Another weekend has passed


So another weekend is about to Passover me and thankfully my prayers were answered and I was able to go out with Marian last night. But the thing is, I couldn't sleep well last night because of a phrase that she said while we were talking about relationships. "I decided long ago that I would stay single". Those were the dreaded lines that I feared most. I don't know if I'm over reacting or what, but it's just making me really anxious and uncomfortable. Then I questioned her about that phrase and asked a hypothetical question, "what if you met a guy who was interesting?", then she said that she needed a sign if that guy was really for her. Sort of like "serendipity". But oddly enough, I think she could see right through me and took it back and changed her answer. "Bahala na, I don't need signs, if it's meant to be then it's meant to be." That kinda gave me some comfort back, but some how, I am not convinced with her answers. Because I know, one of these days I will soon enough tell her on how I really feel and I can see it a mile a way that she will give me an answer that will lead me into anguish, yet the words will be sublte and sweet. "I'm sorry, but let's just be friends na lang". Then the follow up reason "I'm not ready yet" or "It's me, not you bla bla bla". Goes to show how experienced I am when it comes down to getting rejected. I heard it all, and for some reason it's leading me to think that I'm the one who has the problem. What am I doing wrong? I know I'm not perfect and I don't say the right things at the right time. But believe me, my heart is in the right place. I just can't get them to see that for some reason. And as in this case with Marian, I genuinely feel something for her. It's something I really can't explain why she's different this time. That's what makes me so anxious right now. I really want to make this work this time. I just hope that she will find all the signs she need and I hope all of them point to me....