Where did November Go?

November buzzed so fast by me and now it’s December. I really don’t feel the Christmas spirit this year again, and every year, I feel less and less of it for some reason. It might be that I’m getting older and older that I get to realize how harsh the real world is.

Although, not all is lost, of course I’m thankful for a lot of things in my life. Like my hun, my health, my family & friends and everything that I have right now. *sigh* Well I just hope that I shake this gloomy feeling off and just enjoy the holidays.

Oh and btw, I’ll be leaving for China on September 2006 not February anymore, since my cousin has to do some stuff and we will leave together on Sept. Hehe I'm not sure if Marian is glad that I'm not leaving yet, but she said, she rather let me leave now to get it over with, and I agree with her. But oh well, I don't mind leaving till September though so we're not so rushed.

And on a final and lighter note, I place up a Game / Tech and Whatever blog over a http://inque54.multiply.com. Been wanting to put up a site on those topics, but I was too lazy to do the coding myself. Glad there was Multiply to help out on the layout and design, while I provide the content myself.

A Date With my Love

Tonight was a really special night for some reason. It’s been a long time since me and hun just went on a date. I mean a real date where we saw a movie then had a nice dinner. I think what helped me feel this way was our dinner in café ysabel. Because her friend Giannina threw a grad party at their restaurant, and the funny thing was, we sat in a small cozy table and we were the only two. I don’t know it really just felt nice being with hun on that table and talking about stuff. And another good thing was, nobody was rushing her home or anything so it was just a really relaxing night.

And of course, China popped into my mind again, and I thought that I’ll be missing this when I’m there. But what made me look to the future is that, hun will be going to Australlia for her masters. And by that time I’ll be back from China, now knowing how to speak mandarin and all. And I guess they’ll be looking for people who can speak mandarin, since everybody would want to do business with China. It kinda felt strange, but nice that we were planning our future last Friday. What we’ll eat for dinner, we should both live in the same building (with separate rooms hehe!). Oh well, I just really hope our future will go as planned, if not, I hope it will still be bright…

Been doing some thinking

Well I’ve been having these overwhelming feelings that I really want to see Marian again really soon. We’ve been already together for 9 months, are we still in our “honey-moon” stage that other couples talk about? I just miss a lot of things about her. The sound of her voice, her scent that makes my knees go weak, her smile that brightens up my day and the warmth of her hug. Anything and everything about her I miss it already. I really hope that it will be like this long in the future (hopefully it’s going to take that long or maybe forever (). I must admit, she’s now really part in my life now. Sometimes when I wake up, I still get surprised that I actually have a girlfriend and it’s her! Whenever I see the pretty girls walking around, I go back to remembering my hun and I feel pretty damn good about myself, instead of feeling down because it reminded me of how lonely I was. But now, I’m not lonely anymore. I have my love and it’s Marian….

Then I thought about China, for 6 months I’ll be there, and a week not being with her is already getting me jumpy. Will I make it? Honestly, I’m also scared. Scared that I’ll be drawn to temptation when I’m out there. It’s so easy to hook up with anyone there and hun wouldn’t even know about. But, I don’t want to break that trust. I really want us to be forever. We’ve been through a lot, and I won’t throw it away like that. I hope I’ll have the strength to fight anything that gets in between us. I hope she can lend me her's also.

Whats up so far

So right now, I’m jobless and currently doing some “soul searching” on really what to do with my life. I’ll be also leaving for China for about 6 months on February, but more on that later.

When People ask me, what do you want to do in life? My mind just goes BLANK. I don’t know why, but I’m currently clueless on what to do. But to be honest, I really want to have a job related to video games. Yeah yeah, it may sound immature, but it’s really my passion and right now, games are also one of the most money making businesses out there and I want a piece of it. I hope I can find a way to get to it.

Now on China, like I mentioned earlier, I’ll be staying there for 6 months to learn some Chinese. Hopefully, I’ll be able to absorb as much and use the language for business and to make my future (and hopefully it’s also with Marian () brighter.

I really just hope, I’ll get to see where all this takes me. To be honest, I’m already kinda scared for the future. So much uncertainties, so much responsibility. But I must be prepared to take all of this and try to make it work for my life.

Blogging before flying back home

I officially love the Changi International Airport! Free internet kiosks all over, free xbox usage. OMG OMG so I'm just passing the time away before I board the plane going home. Can't wait to go home already! Can't believe that one week not seeing hun is very difficult. I can't imagine a year without her. Oh and of course I miss playing Battlefield 2! Need to make up for lost time when I get back hehe.

Oh well, getting back to my trip, it was a real fun trip going to 'Nam and Singapore. In an instant you would notice the difference between the two countries. My folks are actually pushing me to find work here at singapore, but I guess life here isn't half as bad like back home. Although, I wish me and hun will be living here together (hahah if thats possible!). Like I said a week without her is driving me nuts and making it years will really make me go insane. Whats the worth of having a good life in some other country if you don't have anybody to share it with? Oh well these are all plans, like before, I just hope I'll be picking the right direction when the time comes.

I just turned 23 and I think I'm losing my mind!

I just turned a year older and lots of things became a realization. First of all, my job. I really am losing my drive to still continue and work for the company I presently employed in, because I just take too much crap that I feel I don't deserve to take. Whenever I wake up, theres just too much problems that stack up, I just want to scream and drop it all. I don't know I'm really on the verge of quitting, but on the other hand, I don't have anywhere to work when I quit. It's really a complicated matter! I've been talking to hun about it and she says that everyone has been giving me mixed answers, but if I'm unhappy on where I am right now, that must mean something. Sighhhh I really don't know what to do.

Then speaking of hun, well, we've really been getting super close and all. I'm super happy that our realtionship is going well as despite with everything going on around us. At the same time, I also really scared of our future, I really hope it's going to be like this after a few years or so. If it does, maybe, she might be the one who I can spend the rest of my life with. Hehe just typing up these words giving me goose bumps, yet it kinda gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

To sum everything up, I just hope that whatever the future will bring, I'll be ready for it. Feet are steadly planted on the ground and ready to face anything that's going to be thrown at me (well except for the job thing hehe)...

Super long weekend!!

It's the holy week and I'm having a 4 day weekend. Today was really special in particular. I baked with hun and her friend Rica. Hehe glad that the cookies were made tasted good, a little bit in the sweet side, but nevertheless good 8) After that we brought Rica home and Hun had to buy something at shangri-la, she had to buy her Chi-latte tea, she's addicted to that stuff! After that we spent the whole afternoon together, saw a movie and had dinner with Jomark and Claire.

Then came to our talk tonite before hun went home. It's the usual "when will her parents accept me". Honestly, I'm really scared, frustrated and a little bit mad. Sometimes I just want to scream in my frustration. Why can't we just be happy together, we never did anything wrong. All I did was love her with all my heart and to be completly sincere. Now that I found someone like her, she has to be taken away from me. I sometime pray to God every night that, that doesn't happen. And sometimes I ask him why? Why can't I be with her? Why do her parents see me that way? Why can't I just be happy for once? Now that I love her even more, it's just harder for me to let go of her. Now that my bond with hun is really becoming stronger now, it's just more painful if her parents will tear us apart . A thought that I hope will never come true...

Before going to the beach...

SO here I am 5:24am at the office, waiting for my other officemates to arrive because we are meeting up here before we go to batangas. Hehe kinda weird coming here at this time, and all seems different at 5 in the morning. Really excited to leave!! I hope this trip will also be great!

I'm also glad I was able to talk to hun last night. She really was in bad shape and I'm glad she unloaded all her anger and frustrations at me. I'd rather take it, than anybody else, since she couldn't be who she can be around other people, and I'm glad she could be herself when she's with me. I really miss her and I'm so looking forward for next weekend since we promised each other that we will spend the weekend together!! Hooray!! 8)

So that's that, I'm barely awake, yet I'm already also excited to leave!!

Work 8(

I'm still here at EGG, patiently waiting for hun to come. Actually deep inside I wanna scream, because I'm so excited to see her, but the better half of me says that I shouldn't and I should keep my composure. Desperately trying though!

Oh well, back to my title. My boss recently gave me an evaluation, that means that I'll be regularlize next month (YIPEE!!), but the downside was, when I asked about my salary getting any higher, they said that it will depend on if I can get my branch to make money and if I get to handle more branches. Sigh, as if the sleepless nights waiting here at EGG when we were constructing it or when there's going to be an event. Kinda unmotivating to work now, now that I kinda expected that my salary is going to be higher when I become regularlized. Actually, I'm kinda borderline thinking if I should still continue this job or look for another? Oh well, whatever I'm trying no to think too much of it. I guess I'll have to talk to the HR dept. about this issue. If they still say the same, I guess and most probably I'll be looking for another job, or work at our company. At least even though I don't get paid enough, I'll be helping out the family. But on the other hand, this is my first job, I shouldn't be complaining about my salary yet. Let's just see.......

Yup! It's really been awhile

Well well! I really havent been writting anything alot here lately. Guess I was too tired (lazy) to sit, collect my thoughts and pour it out on the web. But now, I'm doing it again for some reason. Must have been inspired when I read hun's blog. She recently started one and I was really honored that she let me read her blog and the back of her notebook last night (stuff that she was going to put in the blog also). Didn't know that she was hurting inside that much. I was pretty disturbed when she mentioned in her notes that she's going to let me go (although it almost came to that also).

I just find it really unfair that her parents are pressuring her to break up with me just because she's too young to "fall in love". I never once let her compromise her studies, so that we could go out (note: we barely see each other at least once a week, if it's more than that, that's a really big bonus!). Then comes my family background. For God's sake, I'm practically connected to them either way I look at it. My dad knows his dad, my Aunt and uncles knows the parent's. Even their friends parents know my parents. I mean what gives? I know I'm not the most perfect guy out there in the world. Yes I smoke, I drink, I curse, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I manage with life.

But I'm glad with all these happening around us, we still are together, and I think our bond has even grown stronger ironically. But the one thing I was really afraid of is that when I read hun's notebook she had a phrase written "Is he going to take my heart or break it?" I'm really afraid that one day, I might break her fragile heart. Even though she says that she's not all that nice and stuff, she just doesn't know that she's really one of the nicest, kindest and gentlest souls that I've ever met. And I'm really lucky that I'm with her. She's also so down to earth and simple! Man, if you asked me to make a list on why I love her, the list would just go on and on, it will circle the planet until it gets covered up! Hehe but with the exaggeration aside, all I can say is, I'm really lucky that someone like her loves me back. This is the first time that someone does really love me back, and sometimes I myself couldn't believe it when I read her texts that she misses me and wants to see me. And when I read her email after I showed her the lyrics of her song, she said that she will always be with me till the end, you don't know how big of a smile I had on my face that time. I hope that we are not just saying it now that we want to be together forever (hehe that's a song diba?) just because we're together for about a few months now, but I hope after a couple of years or so, we can still say these words and I guess that's sign enough for me that we are really meant to be forever....