The BS is gone, but I still lag!

Damn ISP giving me a headache! I got everything fixed now, the only thing remaining is the slowwwwwwwwww internet speed! I'm supposed to be on DSL but my speeds are at modem speed... WTF??? It's really pissing me off! They want a price increace but the service still sucks?? WTF??? Mann I'm sick of all this fraud! Screw PLDT SCREW The government!

Technical BS!

Arrghhh! I'm very frustrated from whats happening to my computer... I just upgraded to XP and my first try I had it good... Then I installed some patches for my different programs then things started screwing up... Not to mention my DSL speeds have been slowing down... It's about a modem speed claimed by DSLreports.com... Damn it, it really bites... I have been tweaking for the past few days and not getting enough sleep because of it! I was planning to sleep early and wake up late today but I forgot to give Queenie's accounting book the day before so I'm in school an hour early before my class.... I'm trying to kill time here in school by surfing but I don't think it's working.... Mannnnnn I'm just so freakin sleepy right now and I still have classes at 6pm... I think when I get home I'll go catch some zzz to renergize!!

Zooom!

Wow things have been happening really quick!! Remeber about Queenie and her guy? Well they've been found out and the first few days she was feeling terrible... She even cried on monday first thing in the morning... That was how bad the situation is... But now, things have been cooling down... As much as possible, the problem has been controled and toned down abit... Although, I wish that guy would stop calling her regularly... As if nothing happend between them... Well in the other hand it's nice that he is not forgetting Queenie and the relationship they had... But I wish he would do it when things are really cool between him and his girlfriend... I just feel like smacking him on the head....

Well as for me, about the elaine issue, I'm just over it now... I don't feel that bad anymore and I guess I've faced reality... I really don't dwell on the subject anymore and I won't start it here... I'm at school right now, we had make up classes this morning and I glad I came! The students who attended today's class will get plus 10 points for the next quiz! WOW!!! just for attending! ITS a freakin steal man!!!! I'm also waiting for my good buddy david to text me and tell me that he is on his way home... sighhhh it's pretty boring here right now... Queenie and the others left so I'm stuck here alone.. Hehe but I guess I'm already used to it by now...

Oh yeah and last night I caught Idle Hands on HBO... Its a sick movie and I don't recommend smart people to watch it....

Trying to Get Over it (again)

I'm at school now using the internet kiosk... I was off early since we just had a quiz for our first subject... I hope I can pass it.... Anyways, I was glad that Elaine wasn't "ilang" with me today in class... Her reaction to me was normal, so I too tried to play it as normal as I can... But for some reason, I'm always was looking at her... If it wasn't for the quiz I would, be staring at her all day long.... Before I came here I went first to the chapel... Seeking for guidance with the Lord.... I'm really so desperate now, I just got lost all over again.... I'm trying now to cope with everything that is happending, but it's too darn difficult... I prayed that I would really find my answers soon, I really hope I could find them.... I just heard the bell ring a few minutes ago, so I'll be heading up for my last class of the day.... I just want to end this day now..............

"It's Like I Died Again"

God, the past few days were aweful... So this what happend, Saturday afternoon, I texted elaine and asked her if she did her homework in ORGANBE (organizational behavior)... She said she wasn't able to do it yet because she doesn't have a computer to do it on... So once again, the hero that I am, I offered to do her homework... Of course she was kinda hessitating but I reassured her that I can do it.... So after that I asked her why aren't you out... She said there was nothing really to do anyway.... I said why dont we go out and catch a movie on next saturday.... After a few texts she finally agrees... And of course I was really happy and stuff... Thinking that I'll be getting my second chance with her... but I felt that there is something wrong to this picture.... And I really hate it when I'm right... While watching a movie on that same day, she suddenly texted and apologized for raising my hopes with her since she is still patching things up with her boyfriend and saturday is not really a great idea.... Woah man... Hold the phone..... I wasn't able to watch the movie properly nor believe on what I am reading... But I collected my feelings and tried to finish the movie... So once the movie was over, me and my folks sat down in this veitnamese restaurant and I started to reply.... I said that I'm sorry for being foolish for inviting her and stuff... She said that I was just being there for her and she thanked me... I said that I'm glad she sees it that way and I also admited to her that I still have feelings for her and I couldn't shake it.... Then here comes the hard blow, she said that she was flattered but, she still loves her boyfriend, if she was able to give her love to me she would, but she really does love her boyfriend.... *sigh* From then on eating wasn't really a good idea... I felt like braking up, if I wasn't in a public place I would just curl up and cry.... For some reason swallowing was really a difficult task.... Regret filled me up and I was just sad.... One of the saddest days of my life... being rejected twice........ It's so god aweful that I try to forget that day, but I can't.....
Right now I'm still trying to recover, tommorow will be monday and I don't know on how will I react to her... I guess it will be still normal but everytime I will be seeing her, it will be more painful now.......... *Sigh* Sometimes even death comes to mind...... I just love her.... If only I could have her.......

Still mixed up

Since we were dismissed from our last class early, strangely, Queenie asked me to go and eat with her... So we end up staying in Mcdonalds... I bought her some fries and Ice tea... So while eating we talked and I asked if she was able to talk to elaine yesterday.... She did and she said that she really didn'l like the idea that she loves her boyfriend so much... I told her, well if she really loves him we can't do anything right?? But here's another line that blown me away for the day... elaine said that "kung kaya ko lang ibigay ang love kay james na binibigay ko kay Jayson( boyfriend ) dati ko pa ginawa pero hindi ko lang talaga kaya"... DAMN MAN.... Right now I'm pretty am confused on how to feel about this... Certainly I kinda feel flattered that she knows that I exsist, but still, the feeling of regret, the feeling of me longing for her and my love has grown... I mean these past few days are really crazy... Now I don't know if I can shake up my feelings for her as easily as before... Hell I was having a hard time already before and now I hear these things from Queenie... I'm just going nuts thinking about it.... Right now, I really don't know what to do... This is the first time I've been so lost in my feelings that I just want to give up... I just wished that I could have told her how I felt before... Just a day to change everything.... If I had elaine, it would be the happiest and most wonderful thing that could happend to me.... I wouldn't ask anything from the lord again because I would be the happiest man in the world.... But reality bites.... I can't take the truth anymore....

Damn it, it's just so frustrating that why I still love her......

Queenie and her guy


Hehehe to make up for not posting for two days I'll write this seperate post because I just feel like it... *ahem* SO here it goes....

Apparently Queenie has this new guy.... Although the catch is that this guy of his has a girlfriend... Now he is torn on which girl to love??? But it looks like the ball is heading Queenies court... I mean this guy spends more time with her than his girlfriend.... *wahaha* Kinda funny on whats going on... Well but it shouldn't be taken lightly... SHe really likes this guy and I hope everything will turn out ok for her... She finally finds the right one, but the right one is attached.... Damn how Ironic.... But luckily for her this guy also feels for her... Unlike me I just really have to play it innocent with Elaine.... Damn I do hope things would come around for me just this once...

So I'll give an update on whats happending about Queenie... This story musn't be missed... I guess I call this the "Messed up Love triangle" series.... *Waaahahaha* That, or if I think up of a better title....

P.S. This is the same guy I mentioned on December 31, 2001 *hehe*

???


Ok so here is the story, Queenie was telling me about elaine and her boyfriend fighting... I'm really not sure what it was about but I figured that her boyfriend said something very aweful, because he is very known for that in the classroom, very tackless I mean... Queenie wouldnt go into too much details because if she told me I might be the crap of her boyfriend if I knew what he did or said... She just told me that she was so mad that she said that "sana kayo na lang ni james kasi alam ko aalagan ka pa nya"... So I chose not to also because I want to respect the privacy of elanie and I wouldnt want any trouble now... DAMN i've been thinking about it ever since I was going home from Alabang Town Center... I mean the whole drive the way back... Thinking about what Queenie Told me... Was it that bad??? I really do hope she is alright... btw me and Queenie ate lunch there because I asked her to come with me to pick up my mom in Alabang.... So we sat and ate and then she told me the story... I knew something was up with elaine because she went in early and her eyes were "maga"... I asked her that if she didn't sleep well and she told me that she couldn't... but I guess now I know the real reason why.... But hey today also was a great day... 2 out of 3 subjects I sat beside elaine and we got to talk also... I mean I rarely now sit beside and just talk with her... I sometimes miss talking to her... I dunno it's just fun sometimes and I find her cute when she smiles and stuff.... Arrrrrghhhhh right now it's more difficult not falling head over heals for elaine... Sometimes I just want to stop the insanity and just freaking move on (I mentioned this about a million times now)... But I couldnt really shake it...... Knock me on the head, slap me with a 2x4, anything... JUST anything to help me forget... Sometimes I just couldnt stand it anymore....................

Mixed Emotions

I've been having mixed emotions on giving up on driving myself to school... I just realized that it's already the 15th and 4 more days to go before my driver comes back... In a way I'm having some fun and on the other fun it's quite stressful... Everytime I go home I always take a nap which I didnt do before... Although its nice to be free from any schedule... I make my own schedules and choose what time to go home... So I'm just trying to balance everything up and see how I'll feel about it in the end...

School today was ok, didnt do much, just listened to the proffs give out thier lectures.... The last subject which was sociology, the proff was looking for a couple to help her prove her point in her discussion... And what do you know, she chose Elaine and her boyfriend... *hehe* obviously taunts were hurled and I was been teased majorly!! Hmmm but I wonder, everytime they tease on Elaine and me, how does she feel deep inside? I guess irritated? Or maybe shy about the fact I liked her before?? Hmmm... Pretty curious question, dont you think??

Bored


Hey hey I'm back again and I decided to write up something here... I haven't been really active in writting posts ever since I came back from Thiland... Hmmm I wonder? Anyways, I forgot to mention that my folks let me drive going to school because our driver is out on vacation and will be coming back the next week... I've been driving my self to school for a week now and at first it was kinda cool, but came the 2nd week of school, I'm kinda tired already of driving *haha*... It's just that it's too early in the morning and I have to fight through traffic day in day out... Well I guess this will be a temporary thing and I'll have to enjoy it for this is my last week to be driving my self to school (thank GOD)... This morning was really a rush for me... I really had to pee bad while I was stuck in traffic... Luckily I was nearing my destination (starbucks which is right across school)... *haha* I was squirming like a worm inside the car... DAMN the traffic!!! Well good thing I was able to hold it in all the way... Oh yeah every MWF I have almost 2 hours to spare because I dont have the first subject which was 8:20-9:20... But I'm already at school at around 7:30 so I spent my time at starbucks sipping my Cappuccino while fiddling my gameboy advance... I guess I'll be doing that for two more days in the week... hahaha kinda nice that I can still lay back and just hang around...

Out of Action


Sorry about the blog black out.... I've been loosing interest to write and now I just got it back again! Well I'm pretty mixed up again right now... My feelings for Elaine are slowly coming back again *sigh*... Again, as usual it's so hard for me to forget her, but I'm trying my best to do so.... Oh yeah I also bought a Gameboy Advance! It's the best handheld device ever!! VErrrrrry powerful for a little machine hehehe I bring it almost everywhere I go! Keeps me company if I've got nothing to do... Although, I kinda feel shy bringing it out... Hehe kinda feel like a kid but what the heck!! Who cares as long as I'm having fun!!!

New Year, New Life


Blogger was down yesterday so I wasn't able to write a new year entry, so I'll just being doing it today.... WOW its already 2002! Time flys reallllllllly fast!!! It's really been a crazy year for me lots of up's and downs, well mostly alot of downs... but now its the new year and I'm trying to change my life.... I'm giving my self a clean slate, a fresh start! That's why I'm kinda happy right now... I hope I can make the most out of my second chance... So welcome 2002 good bye 2001!!!