"It's Like I Died Again"

God, the past few days were aweful... So this what happend, Saturday afternoon, I texted elaine and asked her if she did her homework in ORGANBE (organizational behavior)... She said she wasn't able to do it yet because she doesn't have a computer to do it on... So once again, the hero that I am, I offered to do her homework... Of course she was kinda hessitating but I reassured her that I can do it.... So after that I asked her why aren't you out... She said there was nothing really to do anyway.... I said why dont we go out and catch a movie on next saturday.... After a few texts she finally agrees... And of course I was really happy and stuff... Thinking that I'll be getting my second chance with her... but I felt that there is something wrong to this picture.... And I really hate it when I'm right... While watching a movie on that same day, she suddenly texted and apologized for raising my hopes with her since she is still patching things up with her boyfriend and saturday is not really a great idea.... Woah man... Hold the phone..... I wasn't able to watch the movie properly nor believe on what I am reading... But I collected my feelings and tried to finish the movie... So once the movie was over, me and my folks sat down in this veitnamese restaurant and I started to reply.... I said that I'm sorry for being foolish for inviting her and stuff... She said that I was just being there for her and she thanked me... I said that I'm glad she sees it that way and I also admited to her that I still have feelings for her and I couldn't shake it.... Then here comes the hard blow, she said that she was flattered but, she still loves her boyfriend, if she was able to give her love to me she would, but she really does love her boyfriend.... *sigh* From then on eating wasn't really a good idea... I felt like braking up, if I wasn't in a public place I would just curl up and cry.... For some reason swallowing was really a difficult task.... Regret filled me up and I was just sad.... One of the saddest days of my life... being rejected twice........ It's so god aweful that I try to forget that day, but I can't.....
Right now I'm still trying to recover, tommorow will be monday and I don't know on how will I react to her... I guess it will be still normal but everytime I will be seeing her, it will be more painful now.......... *Sigh* Sometimes even death comes to mind...... I just love her.... If only I could have her.......