What do I really want now?

Me and the guys (including their respective partners) took a day trip to Tagaytay to play some bowling in Highlands and had a classy dinner at Discovery's restaurant also up there in the mountains. It was a real good way to spend the weekend with my friends as compared to hanging out in some club is starting to become really repetitive.

Anyways, I also asked Pam to come and tag along (yes yes, let me explain). She was really feeling low for the past few days because of a mixture of work and this new guy she was seeing. To be honest, kinda feels weird every time she shares that part with me, but hey, just trying to be a good friend to her also. So to cheer her up and to at least try to get her to have some fun, though of asking her out to go with up with us to Tagaytay. She seemed to have fun so I guess it was "mission accomplished".

But, ugh... during the whole trip I wanted to be close to her and hold her hand and everything. Kinda missed what we had before and it kinda kicked in when I started to really laugh loud when we were making jokes and stuff. Even texted her those thoughts right after I dropped her home. Confusing confusing, I know, but she brought me down to reality and said that I didn't want it and theres no more going back to that. Painful, but defeintely true. Sometimes I try to think if it was the right decision to do? Was I being an idiot for letting her go because my folks didn't approve of her? I guess I'll never know, but I'm just wishing that I can find someone who I can be with in a relationship and also could be a really good friend. Someone to just laugh out loud with and not worrying on being me all the time.

So the weekend is over, heres hoping that the drama this week will be toned down a bit...

Dusting off this old blog of mine

I decided to go back to writing on this blog again after more than 2 years now. According to blogger, I haven't updated this blog since February of 2006, wow 2006 huh? Is it been that long? I see that the good people of Google owns blogger.com now and after a quick migration to my own gmail account, I'm back to writing on this spot again.

I think I'll leave my personal stuff on this blog and all my gaming and other funny stuff on my other blog, kinda don't want people I know, knowing too much about me. Heh, call me paranoid, but there's just some things I need to vent and unfamiliar eyes have no business peering into. So consider yourself lucky if I decide to show you this blog in the future.

Anyways, just a quick update of significant events that have happened to me in the past 2 years: (comments will follow below)

• Started working for the family Business
  
• Broke up with Marian
  
• Got into a relationship with Pam, but unfortunately had to break up with her after a few months due to "cultural" differences
• Started getting into Airsoft
• Tried dating someone for 4 months and then she told me that she wasn't feeling any sparks at all ;__;
  

Well yeah a real shocker with Marian, didn't see that coming either, but it couldn't be helped, because of her mom was somewhat partially insane and I practically gave her away to this guy who's fully approved by her mom. Goes to show how much you know a person after 2 years, although I'm not blaming her that she stuck with the guy. At least their relationship will be more peaceful than the last one.

Pam also was a real shocker, didn't expect that to happen also at all. TOO fucking bad the problem was on my side this time, growing up in a Chinese background proved to be a real problem if you want to be with someone who isn't in the same cultural circle as you are. Crazy pressure from the folks and I was really feeling it too. Although I must say, those months that we've been together was really nice, too bad it had to end too soon.

As being a long time gamer shooting all those pixilated guns and all, I decided to level up my experience (hur hur look what I did there?) by immersing myself in the world of Airsoft. Running around and dressing up as soldiers and shooting your buddies with plastic pellets is really fun and a good workout too. It's providing me with a good distraction on those date-less weekends and my pursuit to find another sucker mate to accept me for who I am with all my abnormalities and what not.

Oh and that girl who I dated, Zada (yes yes unique name but she's a nice girl), after 4 months of dating I ran into a brick wall and she told me that we're better of as friends and nothing else. Of course I thought otherwise since that same week I was going to open the flood-gates and tell her how I really felt, then she jumped the shark on me and there was nothing else I could do but just nod and walk away.

So that's my life so far, I think venting out like this is really healthy. I mean who better else to rant to than a blog (emo ftw)