Mixing and Matching

My school system really sucks. I don't even know if next term I will be an irregular student or with the block. There's just too much damn technicalities that I don't want to get into, but bottom line, CSB has a crappy ASS system.

I've been thinking also, I'm just so tired with this courting business. I mean girls are really starting to give me a headache. Drains my energy away and you think it was worth it? Sometimes I like to think it is. I'm just tired with this BS that you have to be this extra ordinary guy so that this girl can notice you. Sure people say "just be yourself". BS, do you think thats enough? Well for my case it isn't. Whats so extra ordinary about me? NOTHING. God, I'm just so tired with this whole game. It sickens me that I always have to go through this cycle. I just wish some girl can just see right through me. To see the real me and not some guy who must be uber good 100% of the time. It's just so hard being that perfect all the time. Saying the right things at the right time, virtually impossible. Bah I don't know, kind of mixed up right now and my trail of thought is going no where. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm beginning to become envious with other peoples happiness in their relationships. Never did I once felt the love of another person or the warm touch of their hands clinching to mine. I just want to hold that person that I'm in love with and never let go. Unfortunately,it's always me giving the love, but never recieving it back. All the girls that I fell in love with gave me signs. SIGNS?! WTF man?! Jesus Christ, signs for a reaction. Oh well, this is not a perfect world and perfect is the farthest adjective that can describe my situation right now. As I said in my last post, I just feel this void in me. A longing for something, something great. Something that would change my life forever. I've been living this plain old boring life too long now and it's starting to become stale. I just hope I don't become too insane while looking for my so called "patch for my soul"...