Spending Christmas with my hun 8)

Me and hun with Punta Fuego's night sky

Savoring the weekend

So the long weekend is almost coming to an end. Really glad that I was able to spend the weekend with my hun because she never fails to help me forget about work (since she always gives me a handfull when I'm with her hehe). Tomorrow will be a start of another stressful and busy week! Hoping that I wont come into any more snags with the schedule, but I doubt that will happen. Something is bound to come into delay and I have to be ready to adjust the schedule of my opening. It seems like there's still alot of things to worry about, and I'm just really anxious on when the branch will open. I hope we hit our scheduled targets one way or the other or I'll be royally screwed!

So with that being said,

Good luck to me....

Irony of the Relationship

Spent another wonderful weekend with my hun last night! We went to east wood, to see National Treasure. Meh, the movie was so-so, I expected it to be better, but it was good, but nothing great. Then after the movie, we went to the Music Museum to see "Cabaret" the musical. It was really good. I enjoyed the songs and the story of it. More of the in your face reality of life of the people in that line of business, plus the tension of pre World War II in Nazi Germany. I guess I kinda liked it because of it's WWII reference (hehe too much of a WWII buff). Then after we went to Mocha Blends to have something warm to drink. We were able to get coffee and 2 different slices of cake (guess hun was really craving for cake that night 8)) . And while sipping our coffee and take small slices of cake with our forks, we remenised on the past. On what we were both thinking before we got together. It was really interesting to know what she thought about me before I proposed to her that I really liked her. Hehe turns out to be I was really being a real asshole. I don't blame her for being mad at me that time. Was just too selfish I guess and I was really being unfair to her for rushing things without telling her my true intent. But now that's all in the past now, we both learned from it and I guess our bond will even be stronger because of it. Hun kept on telling me that we have this unexplainable connection and that we are connected with an invicible string that is tied around our pinky. Well I also can't explain why I couldn't let her go when I was on the verge of giving up on her. It's just funny somehow that this was the end result of everything. I'm soooooooo glad that I didn't turn away from her, because that would be now one of the biggest mistakes that I could ever do.

But alas, God somehow tries to be funny by putting one big issue between the two of us. Apprently, hun has the same last name as I do. We are both Chua, what does that mean if you're chinese? Well back then, they forbade boys and girls with the same last name (before marraige) to pair up. I'm just worried now that, since her dad is the type that is still kinda the "old-fashion" chinese (according to my dad) will make this an issue for us not to be together. To be safe, I told hun to know what village in China did her dad side came from. It's ok as long as we don't belong in the same village. But if we are, I really do hope this doesn't become a reason on why we can't be together. I can still accept if she didn't want to be with me. But the thing is, something this small, this improbable has to happen to us. I won't accept this as a reason on why me and the person I love can't be together. This would be the most unfair thing that God would be doing to me. I don't know if it's really my fate to be single all my life. For once, I really just want to be truly happy and share this happiness with someone else. I just can't stand the fact of not being with her because of one little hurdle like this. Oh well, for now, I'm just hoping for the best. No not just the best, but for us to be really together and for me to feel whole for once in my life......

My visit in one of the beaches of Punta Fuego. YAAAAAAAAAR PIRATES CAVE!!!

Update update!!!

Wellllllllllllll a lot has been happening for the past few months! Mostly what's been eating up my time is work. Since EGG will be almost operational in a few weeks time. I've been going crazy on following up on alot of stuff. It seems that my "to-do" list never ends. But it's a good thing, last weekend I was able to spend the weekend out of town with my hun. Yes you read it right! I finally have a girlfriend (well sort of kinda complicated to explain). Because I realized that she's the sweetest soul on earth and shes the type whos will be there always no matter what! I realized all of this when we opened up. I was able to confirm my issues with her, and she was able to do the same with me. I guess it made everything clearer after that so I was sure this time. And now I'm super sure that I really made the right choice 8). It's just sad that all this hasn't been sinking in too much because I've really been busy with work! I guess when I have everything done with work I can focus more on my hun! But as of now, I'm really anxious on the grand opening even of EGG. I don't even have a defenite date on that yet, but we'll see!!!! I hope everything goes well!!!

Oh and just in case you're wondering who my special girl is, her name is Marian Teressa Cruz 8) Remeber her? The girl who I met in the gym? Well, she's the lucky girl who I love 8)

I'm no longer a BUM!

Yes you read it right, I finally landed my first job. You're asking where? Well I think the job is really suitable for me. I'm going to work for Netopia, the computer rental shop franchise which has a number of branches all over the Philippines. But Netopia, will be opening a new kind of computer rental shop, it's totally dedicated for gaming. All their hardware will be high end. Meaning computers with 3.0ghz, high end graphic cards, LCD monitors, THE WORKS! So I'm pretty excited for it, I just hope I'll do good with my training!

Besides that, today was particularly great! I was able to spend the whole afternoon with Sam! Did some errands with her, and we were suppose to see a movie, but didn't make the time that it was going to show. So we just decided to eat something, because both of us were really hungry! Then we walked around, she looked at shoes, shoes and more shoes, then some clothes and then some underwear. Yeah underwear, I couldn't believe it either. Hahah I had to remind her that she was with a guy. Then we went to the gym. Gave her some shoulder and tricep exercises (feeling trainer na daw! hehe). Then she did her boxing and cardio dance classes. Too bad we weren't able to have dinner together, because her friend was going to pick her up from the gym and they're going to have dinner together. But it's all good. Besides that, today was really a great day! I guess I'll be sleeping well tonite...

Going the right way?

Well as I predicted, last nigh we weren't to go out, but I was able to hang out with Sam for like an hour in Starbucks. She treated me to some vanilla flavored milk (her favorite) and to some banana bread (her favorite also). Asked her if she wanted to go see a movie this afternoon, but we might go tomorrow instead. Here's me hoping that we can go. She only has 4 more days to go till she leaves.

Out of boredom, checked out on what she has to say about her bf on friendster. Was surprised to see that she wrote a lot about him (well duh?). The more I read her testimonial to him, the more I feel those sharp pains again pricking around my chest area. WOOO how mellow-dramatic! But seriously, that's how it felt. It's really INSANE. I'm really admitting it already that this whole thing is nuts, and it's really driving me up the wall. It's both frustrating and sad really.

Tomorrow is going to be another day, another day for me how to figure out what the fuck am I doing? Tomorrow I'll be taking a personality test from the company which interviewed me last friday. I think they'll be able to know whats wrong with me...

Look what happened to me after a month


So a lot of things have been happening for the past month or so. To sum it all up, I met another girl who's driving me nuts (more on that later), I just came back from Hong Kong last Sunday, and this Wed-Thurs me and the boys had an overnight in Tagaytay and lastly, Friday, I had my interview in Netopia and performed in Karen's party. Phew! What a week!!

So back to that girl I mentioned, her name is Sam. I met her through my A-ma, because my A-ma and her A-ma are barkada, so they decided to play match up with their grand-children! At first I really treated Sam as a buddy only because she was really easy to get along with, and she already has a bf (but he's back there in the UK). But as we hung out more, strangely, the more I got into her. It's just crazy, last month I kept on talking about Marian, and now I'm crazy for another girl, whos going back to the UK next Thursday, has a bf and is not sure that she's coming back home when she graduates. Which ever way you look at it, it's just wrong. I know it and everybody knows it, but I just can't help it. Frustrating as hell and I can't do anything about it. Oh well tomorrow is her birthday, I don't know if tonite we're still going to hang out or not, I have a feeling it's going to be not. Might just go to starbucks hang out there and have a few smokes. Don't feel like staying home tonite. Jesus, why does it always sucks to be me...

I tend to be paranoid, so shoot me!


Forget my previous post, I guess I was just being paranoid. Gave it a lot of thought, and yeah I was paranoid. So with the advise of good ol' Hannalou, I think I'm going to let her know on how I really feel next month. I just hope that everything will go smoothly, and I hope I get some desirable results :(.

Anyways anyways, I've been talking too much about Marian, besides her, nothing really interesting happens I guess hehehe. Same old routine life. Oh but that reminds me, I really do have to watch the videos that Marian lent me. She keeps on asking me if I've seen them or not. I'm just not really in the mood for some romantic comedy, CSI is catching my attention at the moment. All the gore and crime solving tries to keep my brain useful I think? Speaking of my brain, I think it's trying to shut down already, feeling really sleepy now, I guess it's from my work out this afternoon. Oh well, I just hope that my post next month will be good news and not the typical angst, disappointing, depressed post that I tend to write...

Another weekend has passed


So another weekend is about to Passover me and thankfully my prayers were answered and I was able to go out with Marian last night. But the thing is, I couldn't sleep well last night because of a phrase that she said while we were talking about relationships. "I decided long ago that I would stay single". Those were the dreaded lines that I feared most. I don't know if I'm over reacting or what, but it's just making me really anxious and uncomfortable. Then I questioned her about that phrase and asked a hypothetical question, "what if you met a guy who was interesting?", then she said that she needed a sign if that guy was really for her. Sort of like "serendipity". But oddly enough, I think she could see right through me and took it back and changed her answer. "Bahala na, I don't need signs, if it's meant to be then it's meant to be." That kinda gave me some comfort back, but some how, I am not convinced with her answers. Because I know, one of these days I will soon enough tell her on how I really feel and I can see it a mile a way that she will give me an answer that will lead me into anguish, yet the words will be sublte and sweet. "I'm sorry, but let's just be friends na lang". Then the follow up reason "I'm not ready yet" or "It's me, not you bla bla bla". Goes to show how experienced I am when it comes down to getting rejected. I heard it all, and for some reason it's leading me to think that I'm the one who has the problem. What am I doing wrong? I know I'm not perfect and I don't say the right things at the right time. But believe me, my heart is in the right place. I just can't get them to see that for some reason. And as in this case with Marian, I genuinely feel something for her. It's something I really can't explain why she's different this time. That's what makes me so anxious right now. I really want to make this work this time. I just hope that she will find all the signs she need and I hope all of them point to me....

And yet another meaningless day goes by...

 
Here's the rundown of my day. Woke up then had some breakfast, popped some CSI into the player, lunch, then more CSI, then some simpsons, dinner, some more simpsons. Oh and somewhere between all of that I was able to squeeze in some DOD time. So that's the summary of my day. Stale, boring, plain and whatever synonyms you can think of to associate with my day with. I don't know if I should be complaining or anything, some people would kill for the "bum" time I'm having. But it's getting pretty stale after the first 3 months or so. Oh well, I guess I'll be missing all my "bum" time when I find a job. So I guess it's not really that bad at all??

Oh and one more thing I hope this weekend I'd be able to go out again with Marian, because it's one of the things I really look forward to in my week. You might call it sad, but I try to think otherwise...

Same old, Same old...

 
Nothing new to write about, just felt like writing because I just realized how I wasted my day today just sitting here at home and watching the last half of the 2nd season of CSI. Was supposed to go to the gym today, but my back didn't want to cooperate again for some reason. This afternoon I also did my usual text to Marian (hoping that she doesn't get sick of it) and in a few minutes I'll be sending the usual "good night and have a nice day" message. Day by day, I'm slowly realizing how routine my life is turning out to be. For this week I'm trying to look forward for something to happen. My best bet is that I'd be asking Marian out for the weekend, but that isn't 100% sure it will push through. Oh well, I was able to go out with her last weekend and as usual we had fun (well I could say I did, I hope she did also). But despite that, nothing really goes on during the weekdays. I wake up and see that it's already almost in the middle of the day, then the next thing I know it's dark already and the thought of how my day was so meaningless sets in and I fall asleep (but watching some Connan O' Brian first on the tube). Ohhhhhhhh well, that's what I get for not looking for a job yet. But let's not get into the whole career choice thingy, I'm just not in the mood to talk about that subject right now. *sigh* I guess I'll just leave this entry like this, for once I've ran out of something witty/ironic to write for my last sentence...

Joel (my trainer) vs Gary Daniels!

group pic with me, Gary Daniels and Joel!
 
(and yeah some receptionist from the gym hehe I don't know her name)

Down for the count
 
 
Today turned out to be quite interesting. My trainer brought over his friend Gary Daniels to the gym, who is also a 3 time champion in an international kickboxing league. And I did some research on this guy, apparently he appeared on this old Jacky Chan film. Imagine that, I was able to train and sparr with this guy today. Although today's training was short, I was able to get some significant tips to improve on my techinque. The sparring was really scary also. When I was up toe to toe with him, I couldn't think of anything. Everything was a blank and I was more focused on where he was going to hit me than thinking of my next move. And that's what Gary suggested to me, I need to be more confident when sparring. I was also honored that he said I had a good leg! Despite that, today was very humbling. I realized that I need to train some more, improve my footwork and techinque and get as much confidence as much as I can.
 
After training, I decided to stay home for awhile and try to give myself a break. I'm really tired from today. So today's blog really sounds like a kickboxers journal or something. Oh well I try to be one at least and this could be a start......

Am I going nuts or what?
 
 
Just got home from playing bowling with some of the boys. Scored decently tonite, I guess with some more practice I'll be getting my grove back (hehe yeah whatever). Well anyways, today, I can't help feeling bad that I know the fact that I won't be with Marian this weekend. It's just weird, everytime we go out, I just get more into her for some reason. And this is making me scared. I'm taking this risk again, thorwing all my feelings away to someone who might not give it back. Like Hanna said, yeah it's a risk that we should all take. But I just can't help myself to be scared and think about the "What If's". I guess it's just my normal anxiety attack acting up on me again. But this girl is really driving me nuts. Not a moment I can't stop thinking about her and a couple of nights ago I even dreamnt about her. Jesus, reading this back to myself, I realize how corny this is sounding, but I really can't help it. I just hope, pray, wish and beg God that this time she's the one. Because to be frank, I'm really tired of putting everything on the line, and not getting anything back....

Beated up day


Today at the gym, while having my usualy kickboxing routine, my stupid right ankle acted up again and after when I came home, my upper back was sore. Was suppose to lift with Doy in the afternoon, but decided to give myself a rest because of my back problem. Man this sucks. So I just stayed in the whole afternoon doing nothing but watch some DVDs and anime which I leeched of from the net. Again, nothing interesting as usual. Also decided not to text Marian today, I might be bothering her already too much, since I texted her almost every day last week hehehe. So today, I tried my hardest not to touch the phone and send her a message. I just hope I know what I'm doing....

Fatigued beyond reason


After having a hard workout this morning, I decided to stay home tonite because my energy level hasen risen back to normal. I've been feeling very lethargic the whole day and I guess it's because of the gym today. Tomorrow will be a very painful day (literally). I just hope it won't be that bad, since tomorrow will be our grad practice! Besides getting my ass kicked by the gym, nothing interesting happened to me today. Although, I texted Marian to ask her out for tomorrow night. Unfortunately, she has plans with her folks, but being the persistent prick that I am, I asked her if she wants hook up after? Still yet to get her reply, but most probably I think she will say no. I hope she doesn't take this the wrong way 8(. I just can't help spending time with her. There's something really special about her that draws me into her, but I still can't put my finger on it. Oh well, I hope God up there hears my prayers tonite and I hope I didn't screw up this time...

Finally, Something intersting has finally happend!


It's been quite awhile since I wrote up something here, so I decided, out of total boredom. I shall let my blog live again. Anyways, quick recap! My folks just got back last tuesday. Mom is defenitely still pissed at me for not attending our family friend's wedding and I've been still going to the gym alot! So, what's all this "something interesting has finally happend" thingy? Well I met this girl in the gym (Do I hear any cheering?) and she's really nice! I think we are getting along pretty well. I've gone out with her twice already and I'm hoping to ask her out again this saturday (I just hope she does go with me). It seems that I can't get enough of her and everytime we go out, I just don't want the day to end. Hehe oh well, here I go again! Being all sentimental and crap. Sigh, just hope this time it won't be a disaster. So goodluck to me and let's just see what happens...