And the drinking continues...

I swear I thought tonite I wont be seing the boys since they will be going to alabang. But with a little thinking and a whole lot of realization, alabang won't be the best place to travel to during the christmas season. Fight the traffic in manila?? You must be nuts, so they changed venue to home base (chillis) and regrouped there. I met up with Jomark, since he was the first to arrive, at around 9-ish. I came from our company xmas party. I was required to go since it's the 20th year of our company. I didn't mine really going, I'm just amazed that my family had the company for 20 years already. And I'm assuming that they are going to pass the "burden" to me when I'm ready. But seriously, I don't think I can't accept the tourch that they will be passing to me. I feel that I'll screw everything up, like most of the time I do with my life. It's the biggest responsibility that they will be giving me and for one thing I know I ain't responsible. I guess it's the fear of responsibilty and the lack of my own skill to why I am reacting like this. Anyways, thats still quite far away, but it still makes me think....

Tomorrow will be another bum day. Nobody will be home, even the maids, because mom is bringing them to the farm for the christmas party. So I'll be holding the fort tomorrow (mainly, i have to let my dog use the bathroom). I asked Sheilla if she could get my grades for me tom and I'm glad she agreed. 4 more days to christmas and a day more before I leave for Thailand (yes, again...). I really don't feel the christmas spirit this year. It's like every year, the christmas spirit just outgrows me. I don't know if it's because of school and all the crap load of work I've been doing or I'm just to numb to feel it. And for some reason now, I'm starting to feel lonely. I think part of my loneliness is the fact that I don't have anyone to hold. I developed this craving for touch. I just want someone to hold and someone to hold me back. I guess it's the beer talking or I'm starting to be insane, but I really really want someone to hold on to now. Someone to talk to and to listen to me. But I guess, life's ain't perfect. As usual, I just have to suck it up and accept it. But it sucks ass though....

Oh yeah, a Poem I tried to thought of while in the gym (unusual place for inspiration eh?). It reflects on my loneliness and my craving for touch, so here goes...

I want to hold you, but I'm afraid that you'll not hold me back
I want to feel you, but I'm afraid you won't feel me
I'll say "I love you", but I'm afraid you will say "Sorry"
Things in life I want to do for you, I know you will reject
I cry a tear for you, but all you do is shrug it away....