Being Indipendent Alone

I'm here blogging at school right now. Trying to burn some time until 6pm. decided not to hang out with Sheilla and Pong this afternoon, because for some strange reason I wanted to be alone. I just felt the hunger for time alone. I guess for me to think, because I've been thinking about my future. Yeah it's starting to sound like a stupid essay that my prof would ask me to write, but seriously, I've been thinking a lot now on what to do with my life. I'm still figuring out wether I should still continue to study or just go on ahead and work after I graduate. Ok, lemme weigh them both out. I guess my degree that I'll be getting from this, sometimes, fucked up school, will get me somewhere. But will it take me far? And I'm planning to get a job abroad, something local would be also nice, but something compells me to go abroad and just try to be indipendent for once in my life (yet another issue that I will disucuss later).

Now the issue on studying some more. So wait I've been school almost all my life and I'm not sure I still have the energy to go on and learn. But I guess, for a masteral degree, it would take at the most 2 years more? I'm not sure about that, but I doubt it will be another 4 years. Hell, I'm not trying to become a doctor. But for sure, I will be getting my education in another country and not here. This will ensure me of laying a job in abroad if i choose to. So I guess, my best bet now will be studying some more. I heard this once from somebody, you never stop learning. I guess he is right, you never do stop learning until you stop living.

With all these things in my mind right now, the only thing I'm worried about is my grades. If I really do want to get to abroad, I must set higher goals for myself. But I don't see that happening any soon. All this thinking is just making me anxious uselessly, but is it really?

And now, why you ask the sudden urge to leave my home and try to start a new life for myself? I dunno, I guess part of it is because I've been through alot of shit, well not enough to drive me insanse, but enough to just want to wipe my record clean. For some reason, leaving the Philippines and moving into another country is leading me to believe that I can start a new life. Part of me also wants to break free from the security of my parents. Sure, I appriciate what they've done for me. I love the fact that they've literally given me everything, but I can't live like that forever. I must make something out of myself. I want to stop depending on someone. And for me, this will be the hardest lesson to learn. I have no clue where to start and I bet my first few months in another country won't make it any easier. But this is something I must learn, something I must know.

And for the last issue, where do I move? Well, I've been thinking about San Francisco, since my uncle just moved there a year ago and according to my mom, life is good there. But mom wants me to go to either Australia or New Zeland. She said that there is not much people there, so job openings will be everywhere. Hold on, did she say not much people? Well having a job is good, but living in a boring town isn't. If you would ask me, I think I'll be chosing some state in the U.S. but options are still open. I think I'll have to consult Stephanie for this since she was talking about on which states in the U.S. are good to live in.

Wow pretty long blog, I think it's the longest I've written. Too much damn issues on my mind, I just don't know what to do yet, but I hope the answers will come soon. And I hope I'll make the right decisions when the time comes.

Over "Worked"

The weekend has gone by and I again lost track of my days. Tomorrow will be a start of another week, it's such a pity that Stephanie had to fly back to London. When she was here for a week, we were going out and drinking almost every night (gasp thats right my mom let me go out on a school night!). Sadly, things have to be back to normal again, drinking will be restricted to the weekends only (felt my liver burn though this morning, so I guess this is good). My title of tourist guide has been taken off and it's back to being me now, although I already miss being myself. Bumming around, having random thoughts, the works... Oh yeah it was Daves birthday yesterday and oh boy he was so drunk it wasn't funny. Doy struck again and victimized him the 2nd time. I can't believe he couldn't tell where this was headed, as if he really wanted to get drunk. Maybe?? Who knows?? Ok this post is getting no where, my brain has been working all afternoon, trying to finish our stat project. Had to catch up on some work since it was my only contribution to the group. I was kinda embarassed that they did most of the work, but I really had a good excuse, I had to show my cousin around!! KUDOS to you steph!!

I'll try to write more sensible stuff tomorrow, tonite I have to rechare. Try to get my energy level back to normal. Finals will be hitting me soon and I hope I don't get slapped on the face like last term.

Still tired and it's already tuesday

It's already tuesday and I still feel so tired. I think I left my brain at that bar last saturday. I swear, I can't think straight. Luckily I was able to write some sort of answer in my quiz this afternoon. My energy level hasn't recovered and right now, I honestly don't know where this blog post will go. I don't know what to talk about now. Like I said, my brain is somewhere else. Maybe tomorrow will be better, so pardon my post for today. I don't wan't to hear any sermons fron you JED!

A chance to post before I leave

Today was really hectic. This morning I woke up at 8:30 and arrived at the gym around 9:30. Then had to go to Pasay to accompany my cousin from states, Stephanie, (who arrived yesterday btw) to go pick her friend up at the airport. After that we went to PowerPlant to have some lunch, they walked around a bit then we headed to manila polo club. Did some more shopping 'cause there was a bazaar over there. Good thing my cousin Doy came along, we got something to eat, had a few smokes and talked about how we should tackle this diet we are doing. After the girls went shopping, we went home to Doy's house. After a few minutes, I got up and headed back home to change. Now I'm waiting for my folks to come home because we are going to have a dinner at the Podium. And after dinner we are planning to go out to this bar in makati. As I said, I'm really tired today. It's a good thing I had the chance to go home and type my blog up. 2nd straight weekend where I have to show some people from out of the country around. I'm not complaining, but I'm starting to look like a damn tourist guide. But I'm having fun with my job! And soon, this tourist guide will be hanging his boots and glugging down some beer!!

It's this time of the week where I ponder about where my week went

Ok now I noticed that every thursday, I go and say I'm glad that it's thursday tomorrow is friday and it's the weekend. I'll probably get drunk yada yada yada... Lol a repeating cycle that I seem that I can't get out of. I guess school makes your week go by faster. I'll be complaining that there's school on monday then next thing I know BOOM! It's friday and I'll be drinking. Not that I'm complaining, it's just that I find it funny how I never notice where my week has been.

Today went by quite well. I was able to see ela today. Nothing too grand, we just said our hello's and went our ways. She then texts me around dinner time and told me she hasn't been picked up yet. We exchanged a few texts and after a couple replies she stops texting me back. Lol as usual, the girl who keeps me hanging up there to dry and then submerges back to her life. Also, I texted Elaine. Yeah a shocker for me too. But I figured, since I can't talk to her at least I could do is just text her good luck with this make up exam for our programming class. It's written, so it's quite a pain if you're going to take a test on programming and it's going to be written. Surprisingly, she texted back and told me how she did. I replied congratulations and that was that. And finally, this girl in our statistics class also spoke to me. Well not really spoke to me, but just said that our assignemt won't be due today, 'cause I was looking for someone to copy off from (hehe kinda lame but what the hell right?). Nothing too big, just wanted to mention it and IMO it was one of my interesting points of the day. To sum things up, today was good and I hope it gets better tomorrow.

Btw, my cousin from states should be arriving tonite! I guess I will be drinking this weekend!!

Been thinking of "her" again...

Ok ok to clear things up, the reason why I thought of Elaine again just tonite is because she was very pretty today. While in the car, I was chatting with my friend aicel. Told her about my frosh days with elaine when we were still talking with each other. Told her about that time during our recollection that she was chosen to recite something. And during her whole time of reciting, she was looking at me. Something interesting that I will most probably won't forget. Oh yeah, her citizenship or greencard or whatever for the states has been approved. So she will be moving there when she graduates. As I was saying to Aicel, in the chat room, I wouldn't know how to feel about this. If I felt sad about it, what would be the use of that? Wasted tears IMO. But, theres something that just draws me to her. A part of me can never let go her, there will always be room for her in my heart even though I have learned to move on. Somethings or some people are just not meant to be forgotten. I would love to forget all of this, but for some reason I just can't. I wish I could, but I just can't. Why do I always torture myself like this...

Long Overdue!

Sorry guys for the blog blackout. I guess Jed, Dave and Nic wasn't able to have the chance to look into my crazy life for the past few days. I've been bringin around my friend from Australia, Jose (who's name is surprisingly filipino for a white guy, because his dad is filipino, just do the math). I had to pay him back for he also showed me around his country when I was there. I'm glad he had a good time, since he kept on telling me that he had fun for the past few days. I have to thank my friends for that especially my cousin for helping me bring him to places which I've never been to (talk about being a wall-flower). With all the fun I had this weekend, sleep became a 2nd priority. I haven't had a good nights sleep since Saturday, so I'm looking foward tonite to make it all up.

So now I brought you up to speed, today was just again, ordinary. Nothing interesting to report, no sparks, no gimmicks, no nothing. I'm just confused about Ela. Last Saturday, while watching Harry Potter 2 (and yes it was a good movie), out of the blue she just texted me that she's interested in this new model of Nokia. Oh yeah and she started the text with "panget" hehe I tease girls with this words when I'm trying to say the opposite. I dunno really, IMO, when somebody calls somebody panget, I guess thats a sign of being close for some weird reason. Don't let me have to explain the unwritten law of relationships, but for some weird reason, it's one of those signs you get. I really try not to think about it, but from time to time, it just becomes a reoccurring thought. It just sticks to your mind, her being unpredictable is just driving me insane. Girls are always like that, they just leave you up there hanging, with no clue whatsoever to what they are goin to next. Bah! I should just find another girl to get in to, she is just really one of a kind (not to mention she lives in navotas). But there's this strange attraction I find in her, yet, if this continues, this attarction of mine will most probably fade away...

And before I end my post for today, I would just like to say that my school, has a really totaly fucked up system. But I'm just glad that they accepted my CAF for next term and considered me as part of the block. Falling in line for 10 hours is no joke and I'm glad I'm not part of that stupid joke.

Drained out

For some odd reason, I just feel so tired for the past few days. Tired both physically and mentally. I haven't been doing anything strenuos activities lately, asides from going to the gym, but that's suppose to help you get energized. Hmmm, maybe it's in my diet, since I completly taken out any forms of carbs like rice, bread, pasta and POTATOES(jed will not last a day w/o this). But, I really don't know, I wish that by next week my body will adapt and will be functioning normal again.

Anyways, like always, nothing really interesting has been happening lately. Ela doesnt seem to be interested with me anymore. I really don't know actually. Haven't been talking to her. I tried texting her but she never replied. So, nuts to that! I wouldn't want to dwell on that issue anymore. So, as I said, nothing to report. It's going to be friday tomorrow and the weekend is finally here! I wanna drink some beer and just hang out like usual...

Busy umm.... Killing?

Just aquired the ever so popular game called Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Very very violent game, I mean violent is just and understatement. Go walk around in this city thats supposed to resemble Miami. Theres a beach, it's sunny and there are lot of people that you can prey on. Beat, slice, shoot or just simply whap them with your baseball bat. You can also jack the cars and other criminal acts. I just love that game because you can escape into a world which has no rules (well the police chase you, but you can easily avoid that), no standards, no NORMS to follow. Had a bad day? Load up the game and beat the crap out of a pedestrian. I call it "therapy".

Anyways, back to things which are real. I just learned that I'm still part of the block. Thank god! Lining up and adjusting my schedule is just a pain in the ass. And speaking of scehdules, I saw my schedule for next term and it looks like its going to be better than this term. I only have one class at night and its only on monday. But the catch is, its 3 hours. Wooo here we go again. Just have to suck it up and think that it's only going to be for one day.

For some reason, I bumped into Ela twice today. The first time, she texted me and told me that she was in school already. Hours before her class, so I asked her if she wants to meet up. Then the 2nd time, I saw her coming out of the womens CR and we talked and she fixed her schedule. Pretty interesting day today, not to boring, not to lame. Just normal, the way it should be.

Oh yeah and one last thing, sorry for the late posts. Been playing alot of Vice City. hehe I just need my therapy

Mixing and Matching

My school system really sucks. I don't even know if next term I will be an irregular student or with the block. There's just too much damn technicalities that I don't want to get into, but bottom line, CSB has a crappy ASS system.

I've been thinking also, I'm just so tired with this courting business. I mean girls are really starting to give me a headache. Drains my energy away and you think it was worth it? Sometimes I like to think it is. I'm just tired with this BS that you have to be this extra ordinary guy so that this girl can notice you. Sure people say "just be yourself". BS, do you think thats enough? Well for my case it isn't. Whats so extra ordinary about me? NOTHING. God, I'm just so tired with this whole game. It sickens me that I always have to go through this cycle. I just wish some girl can just see right through me. To see the real me and not some guy who must be uber good 100% of the time. It's just so hard being that perfect all the time. Saying the right things at the right time, virtually impossible. Bah I don't know, kind of mixed up right now and my trail of thought is going no where. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm beginning to become envious with other peoples happiness in their relationships. Never did I once felt the love of another person or the warm touch of their hands clinching to mine. I just want to hold that person that I'm in love with and never let go. Unfortunately,it's always me giving the love, but never recieving it back. All the girls that I fell in love with gave me signs. SIGNS?! WTF man?! Jesus Christ, signs for a reaction. Oh well, this is not a perfect world and perfect is the farthest adjective that can describe my situation right now. As I said in my last post, I just feel this void in me. A longing for something, something great. Something that would change my life forever. I've been living this plain old boring life too long now and it's starting to become stale. I just hope I don't become too insane while looking for my so called "patch for my soul"...

Like The Ring?

Check out this story that my good friend Jed wrote. Scary stuff I tell you.

Waking up at 9:10

I missed my accounting class today, because like the title says, I woke up at 9:10 and my class was at 9:20. Go figure...

Today, I whored my phone so much that I had to change batteries with my friend. Used the chat program that I got yesterday and my hand was burning because of the heat from the battery (those things can leave your hand numb). As usual, nothing really interesting happend today. Tomorrow will be thursday, then comes friday. Wow what a quick week. And to think that, nothing cool has been happening.

Hmm lemme try to pour some things from my itty bitty brain of mine. Well, I really don't have any issues to rant about right now. As I said, life ain't that interesting anymore. This whole Ela thing has passed over. As well as that Elaine bit. Haven't been thinking about those things really. But I sometimes feel that there's really something missing in my life. Hmmm, maybe I need to accomplish something? Or maybe I just need somebody. A certain somebody who would hold me whenever I feel alone or who will be my ear whenever I want to rant about life (whenever I'm off line). I don't really what I want right now. All I know is, I'm missing something inside me. I just dont feel as whole as I used to be. Sure I got my health, my friends, my folks and those things which are important to me. But I need to fill this "void" in my soul. I guess I have to try to look harder and hope that I can grasp when the oppurtunity arises.

You study to pass... Right?

What a lousy test I took today. I studied for hours and hours and I feel like that I'll end up failing the test which I took this afternoon. Anyways, today wasn't all that bad. Was able to get some programs for my phone. Now I can surf and chat while I'm away from the computer. It's cool if you really think about how technology advances so quickly. What will they think of next...

Back to normal

My 4 day vacation is over and now it's back to school. Yesterday, Ela didn't show up in accounting class and I think she wouldn't be attending in the future also. I offered to expalin to the teacher about her situation. I got an 82 for my midterm grade, which was totally unexpected, but nevertheless glad that I passed. The other profs didn't give out the grades yet. Bet they were lazy during the break like I was. Who could blame them?

Today I still have one more test believe it or not. Statistics and it sucks like hell!! I studied yesterday during my break and now I'll be studying some more in awhile. Just thought that I'd get this blog out of the way first. Like always, nothing interesting has really been happening. Just trying to get on with my life, not thinking too much about Ela because I know things will never work out between us. So that's that, wish me luck for my test today...

Spirit Mage... WTF?






find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
<º>

Flat Day

Been sitting on my ass for the past hmmm past 3 hours or so. Been playing this game called Natural selection. Another great HL mod and something to get addicted on. Wasn't able to post yesterday since I was out the whole day. At the morning I went to the south to go visit the dead (heheh sounds creepy). Then we went to our farm in cabuyao and stayed there till late afternoon. Night time I was even able to play some badminton. Today I was supposed to go meet up with Nic, but my mom forgot to tell me that I don't have a car to use today, so POS to that. I decided to stay home instead and go play Natural Selection with the guys. And besides, I'm still tired from yesterday. So basically it's a veeeeery slow day today. Not really slow, I actually lost track of time and now I look at the clock in my task bar and it says that it's already dinner time. Wooo, what a way to spend my day, I miss this kind of slacking off.

Oh yeah btw I almost forgot to mention this. Ela and her no good bf broke up. She discovered that he was seeing someone else. Fucking player, that asshole doesn't deserve her. Man, to think that she was thinking of getting back with him. She kept on consulting me, but I told her, don't do it. Its his loss and never was yours. I hope she listens to me, I swear that bf of hers should burn in hell. Frellin retard....

Messed up post

Ok that was one messed up post, must have typed in the wrong html code or something. Anyways I'm just too screwed up to type anything up tonite. Maybe tomorrow instead.

Back from being a retard

Got back from the house of

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

HWO (FIRE!)

Which Element Represents You?
created by kefkafanatic @ mental insanity

Where did my brain go?

Today got me really tired for some reason. I guess part of it was because of the constant bombardment of midterms for the past few days. I couldn't really focus on anything too long right now. And I'm worried that I won't be seeing too much of Ela anymore. BTW, I'm over the issue that she has someone else, I just like her to be there for good company. Shes really nice and funny and I'm going to miss her alot if she doesn't attend accounting class anymore. Tomorrow will be my last day for midterms, accounting and logic. I hope I do well. Oh and tomorrow, I'll be sleeping over at daves house. Going to do a horror movie marathon since it's halloween on thursday. Going to drink alot and act like a fool again to relieve the stress on me. Oh yeah it's also a 4 day weekend so w007 to that....

Life is getting better... (yeah right)

Pos, Just got home an hour ago. That damn business law test took my will to live away. I swear it's so damn long my fingers almost came off. Now, I have to study for my statistics quiz tomorrow, but I'm really feeling lazy. But that's not the real reason for my ranting. The real reason is that, I just found out the ELA failed accofi1 which is a pre-requisite for accofi2 the subject we are taking now. Man, I'm going to try to help her fix this mess. I just can't bare to think that I won't be seeing her anymore, but it's so weird that I feel more troubled than I'm should be. bah! Today is really messy and my thoughts aren't exactly collected. I hope I can try to fix this mess of hers....

Let the dust settle

So it's sunday today, tomorrow I will have my midterms in business law. Going to be studying alot today. Maybe I'll start this afternoon. The brain doesn't want to cooperate in the morning. Got to feed it with some games to warm it up. I hope I do well tomorrow. Man, it's days like these that you hate being a student. I got so much to worry about. STAT, ACCOUNTING, BUSINESS LAW... All of them POS!! Like I said, I hope I do well...

Last night was really interesting. I was able to meet nicole, the face behind Fast to White. We had a few drinks (well she did, I think I had about 5). And I hope next time we go out together we will be drinking more! (I'm buying nic, so dont worry). So my weekend was great, was able to do stuff that I wanted. For this week, I have to endure 3 days of hell then on thrsday I'm free again. Well actually wednsday night we are planning to do something at Dave's. Going to have a horror movie marathon I think, but not too sure on that one yet.

A quick word before I forget...

In a few minutes I'll be leaving for chillis. Going to meet some of the guys (and girls) and have a few drinks. Hmmm nothing interesting happend today, well if you must know, this morning going to the gym, I almost slammed into pajeros which were escourting this VIP. POS!! Didn't see them coming from my rear!! Good thing I hit the breaks while I had the chance. So that was my brush with death and as I said, nothing really interesting happend today.

Some "light" to my day

Hmm... Nothing much to rant about today. Actually, today wasn't so bad really. We had our midterm exam for Filipino Lit and I just copied the whole test from my l337 blockcmate, Kim. I bought her some smokes and we talked a little. As I said, today wasn't so bad. Very relaxed not too stressful like yesterday. Next week I will be hitting the books because the real midterm exams are coming. Got to prepare for that, but for now, I just want to relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax.....

When everything seems to go wrong...

Today seems to be one of those fucked up days. You know, those days where you know everything is falling apart and you don't know what to do anymore. I swear to God, why do I even try? In the long run it just screws me over. If I know a girl has a BF, FUCKING BACK AWAY!! Leave while you are still unattached! Get that through your thick skull next time!! What am I ranting about you ask?? To cut the long story short, I got a text from ela tonite and she told me that after opening up to me about her bf problems, the dude just coincidentally called her up after I place down the phone. So she told everything the stuff she told me to him and boom they are back again. Back to being 2nd best again. Bah, I'm so used to it that I know exactly the BS that I tell myself to feel better. I'm just fucking tired with this nonsense.

MOBILE ENGRISH!!!!!


"It's tasty and refreshing. Always make you feel fresh and cool!! (Supermarket of the PowerPlant mall)


W007 I'm putting a new segment for my blog. It's called MOBILE ENGRISH. I take photos of engrish products with my phone and will upload em up here in the net. To know more about ENGRISH, go click on the link

No Good

Dumb stat quiz, frellin gave me a headache crunching all those numbers. POS!! It's just hell! So screw that!!!

Anyways, glad that it's a thursday today. Friday won't be that hectic (I hope). Next week will be my midterms, have to study alot on sunday since my first test on monday is business law. So much stuff to memorize, so little time. Nothing significant really happend today. Went to school, did some coding and answered that stupid test of mine. Oh yeah before I forget, check out the blog of my buddy Dave. He decided to put up one too. But the stuff he writes is full of HAPPY HAPPY FUN FUN moments!! heh not as angst filled as mine. So guess who has a better life?

On a final note: Elaine is starting to talk to me again, well just small talk, but that's still something.

Don't you hate that FUBAR feeling?

Ugh the test this morning sucked! Wasn't really able to answer it decently. Ela was late coming into class too today, so she wasn't really able to answer the test as well. So for cosolation, I won't be the only one failing. Tomorrow I'll be having two quizzes. One for programming class and the other for statistics. POS I have to PASS my stat quiz tomorrow! I failed the last two tests, this is my time to MAKE IT UP!! Damn, I hope I really do well tomorrow. School just sucks BALLS right now.

I was supposed to do something important, but...

Tonite I was supposed to study for my quiz in accounting. And speaking about accounting, I was able to call ela this afternoon. Asked her if she could help me study for the quiz today (which we didnt but ended up talking about other stuff). I was going to study on my own also after our conversation, but I was too ecstatic and wasn't able to concentrate really well. Not a damn word has gotten into this stupid brain of mine. Let's just see what happends tomorrow.

I really don't know where to put my finger on Ela. On the phone, she talks about her bf about being this immature child. To sum it all up she thinks his POS, but they are still together, so I really can't do anything about it. But just thinking about seeing her tomorrow makes me all fuzzy inside. *Sigh* here we bloody go again...

It's 1am and I haven't brushed my teeth

Wtf am I doing up at this hour?? Well, I just finished talking to Queenie who kept on bugging me to go to school earlier to help her out with her visual basic homework. I just finished mine btw, but there are still a few bugs to work out. I need to check this code in a program which I left in school. POS! What a day!! I just feel so tired! I need some decent sleep tonite and I'm glad that I have to meet her at 12. So got to hit the sack and maybe I'll be posting something before I go to school.

WTF?! It's already MONDAY?!?!

OMG where did my weekend go?? It's already monday!! Haha it feels like that I lost my weekend. Guess I kept myself really busy doing stupid things to burn time. Man they should extend the weekends into four days instead of two. It's just not enough. Oh well, it's monday again. Going to stay at school till 9pm POS, but will be continuing my book. It's really good book, keeps me company during break times and gives me a chance to exercise my imagination (not that I don't have any). I'll be playing some diablo 2 with my mates. Going to stay up till midnight I guess or even later. Hope tomorrow will be a good one!!

Friday FRENZY

AHhhhhhhhhhh! Just got out from a veeery warm shower. I had a good game of badminton with my uncle tonite!! PHEW!! You should see how much I had to sweat! My whole t-shirt, drenched with sweat!! Damn if I don't lose weight at this rate, I dunno what else to do. Going to hit the sack in a few minutes, my whole body can't take the abuse that I introduced. Tomorrow will be another hectic day. We will be going to the pos theme park Enchanted Kingdom then go to ATC at night time. My mom is going psycho again because of all these bomb threats, she told me to stay away crowded places. Now how the hell should I do that, with a population of 5M or more, where can I find such a place besides the my house? Anyways, hope tomorrow will be fun.

Brace for my INTELLIGENCE!

While sitting down through traffic going to school awhile ago, I contemplated on why does pain exist. I mean pain in general. If there wasn't pain, there would be nothing to inspire the artists. Although there are other forms for inspiration, in my opinion, pain is the best. It drives you to certain lengths just to express it. Unlike happiness, it becomes to linear. Also, without pain, scientists won't be able to find cures for diseases. No aspirins, prozac and Viagra!! I think pain is necessary in the world for us to exist. Nothing will move us more than pain itself. Would you rather live in a psuedo lifestyle where everything is perfect and pretty? You save that for heaven, but until you are still living and breathing on this earth, you must face reality. Part of living is to overcome pain. Sometimes overwhelming, sometimes daunting, it's part of lifem it's what makes us human.

Quick Week

This week was really a quick one. It's already friday tomorrow and I feel that my week hasn't started yet. I guess this whole Ela nonsense is making me lose track of time. Speaking of Ela, been thinking about some other things to avoid remebering her. Strangely, Audrey poped up in my mind. Right now I'm just sitting down here and hanging out in the chat room with my friends and as usual we talk about nothing.

Its Official... I'm DENIED again

Its offcial folks, your man INQUE has been DENIED again. A screw up, failure and now a DENIED magnet. It just sucks to be me right now, well all the time I mean. It's time for some more "rehabilitation" and try to recover from this awful awful phase of my life. Hope I can just pull it off again. Oh yeah, Elaine looked really pretty today... POS what a DAY!

Something to vent before going to bed

Ok just want to write up a few things before I go to bed. My level of self esteem is really low right now. It's like I lost my self confidence and I keep on thinkin that I'll bound to screw something up badly. And there's Ela, she is really my new "drug" right now. But I got to fight it. Jesus Christ, it's like one of those Elaine problems again, except you take the INE out and basically its the same thing. Ironic isn't it??

Denied Day

I just got home from school and I really feel that today was a waste of my time. Was supposed to play some basketball at dasmarinas village, but the court was going to be used from this hot shot PBA team. The quiz I took today in statistics was supposed to be easy, but I have a bad feeling that I'll fail it again. What a POS day, the only thing good happend today was Ela replying to my text about the assignment. Speaking about her, just thinking about her made me feel bad. I just wished that we could have met under different circumstances. In other words, I just wished she was single. Is that so hard to ask for? To look for a girl as pretty and as nice as her to be single? Oh well here we go again DENIED all over again...

"I could tell from the minute I woke up It was going to be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day."



Phantom Planet - Lonely Day

I'm BACK! (so I think I am)

Welllll I'm back here again, typing up some more useless shat to occupy the net. What happend for the past few month? Basically, I was just too lazy to write and I had to do my thesis last term so I had my hands tied to my back. Now that it's a new term (mid terms are already next week though), I'm given a lighter load but a hell of schedule. Every Mondays and wedsndays I get dismissed at 9pm, but wait, there's more to my happy happy fun fun schedule! I get 2 big ass breaks in between. One is from 10:30-2:30, during that time I hit the gym and go to my old house in pasay. Yes, I'm trying to work out again and this time it's going to be permanent!!!!! Then from 3:30-6:00pm, I usually spend my time in the library, studying some lessons and reading my book which is entitled "She's come undone". I'll talk about the story some other time, kinda getting lazy already and my mind is slipping away after every minute. Oh yeah and a quick update on my "Elaine issues". I think I wore my self out thinking about her too much! Just like food, once you had enough, you just want to stop feeding the crap in your mouth and move on to desserts. I also think part of the reason why I'm moving on is that I met this girl in my accounting class. I texted dave and told him that she's my new "drug" now. But unfortuantely, she has a boyfriend, but (damn the buts never end), they aren't in good terms right now. Fuck it, what ever happens, happens. Just let the ball roll and see where it stops. Damn it why do these things always happend to me. When it comes to relationships, I am forever JINXED!!!!

Oh yeah one more thing, check out the blog of my friend. Her name is Nicole and I'm pretty sure her stuff is more interesting than mine. So READ on!!!

Back to Reality

I'm right here back in school, obviously classes resumed again today. It's programming class today, but the prof. just said that to finish the activity that we did last week. Fortunate for me, I'm already done and now I'm trying to burn up some free time. Yesterday it was Queenie's birthday and some of her friends went to her house to surprice her and now I kinda feel bad I wasn't there to greet her. I guess for one thing the weather was bad and another is I don't have any car to go there. But on saturday, shes throwing a party and I'm really not sure if my mom would let me go since her house is terribly far away from mine. Let's just see what happends, I'm not really thinking about that now, but I don't know, why am I not too concerned about this? It's like I don't care anymore that my bestfriend just turned 19 and she wants to celebrate. I guess, part of it would be that, everytime I went out with my friends from school, most of the time it turned sour or something unexcpeted just happends. Oh well, like I said, let's just see what happends...

Oh yeah, on a final note, I took of the bracelet Elaine made for me. Figured that if I really want to forget about her I must seperate my self from her both metally and physically (that's where the bracelet comes in and not to avoid her). I hope from now, things be better now....

Noah's Arc II

It's been raining since last week and it hasn't stop. We didn't have classes today because it kept on raining the other night but tonite it kinda died down, but the weather man said that it might rain some more tomorrow. And just now, my mom told me we don't have classes again tomorrow. I really do hope the power wont go out again as frequent as today. Well, back to bumming around again, nothing really import has been happening. Oh yeah David has a new girl hehe let see what happends with them.

Woah it's really been awhile

Say it's almost a month since I wrote anything up here again. And I go yelling like a fool "this site isn't dead", well it almost died again lol. Anyways, just to update, this whole Elaine thing is out of my head now for quite sometime. It's like I'm partially giving up on her. Hell, what's the use anyhow? Well now, I've been being more aggressive towards meeting other girls. I'm just tired of waiting around for the right one. I just want to do something about it and find her for myself. But it seems it really doesn't work that way. Patience is a virtue like some people say. But damn, I so freaking tired of missing out on every chance I get. Well that's life and it isn't been grand for me. And right now, school sucks big time. I'm not doing well as I used to (like i ever did). My grades are just uber low and stuff. I don't know whats wrong with me. I lack focus right now and I don't know how to get it back. Sigh, my life is really in shambles right now and I don't know how to pick up all the pieces...

Though this site died down?? Think again!

Hello boys and girls, I'm BACK!!!! Actually, I was back like a month ago, but I was too lazy to post anything up here until now. Since I've got really nothing else better to do (what's new?) I decided to write some stuff. Nothing new so far, been going out alot though. Finally life outside this BOX of mine!! Hmmmm what else is there to talk about?? Tomorrow night I'll be going out again since the wednsday is INDEPENDENCE day!! So a Holiday again for me!! Oh yeah, Australia was really good by the way. Got to meet some people while I was there and they were really nice. Their accent is really not that hard to understand, after a couple of days you will get a hang of it. Well there, its getting kinda late so the brain is not really functioning well. It's good to be back again!

Checking Out

Today I'll be leaving for Austrailia, it's such a drag that I have to go to the old house to hang around there then go to the airport. Damn it, I still say it's boring over there and I wish that someone could pick me over here at the house. Well anyways, just suck it up since today is our departure. I hope nothing goes wrong and I also hope the trip will be a blast. I'll be back at the 19th and I might upload some pictures from the trip!

POS night part deux

Ahhh another night wasted (almost). Again, I fell victim of being the resident driver of the group, which I'm really starting to get sick of actually. Don't know really why I put up with this. Anyways the night wasn't really a waste. I guess it wasn't really my night tonite. Queenie and her guy were together, but I'm not really affected by it anymore (I think it was a phase thing) But what really bothered me the most that Elaine was with her boyfriend. Ugh, I should really get over her. Even I'm already sick of hearing my self rant about her. Anyways, it's wednsday today, what's ahead of my agenda for today? Sleep I guess and hmmm slack off as usual! BTW 2 more days before austrailia!!

Lost (Like Always)

Queenie has this new guy again. But this time it's different. I think this guy is the one for her, but for some strage reason, I fell really bad inside. It's like that I can't take the fact that she is going to have a boyfriend, someone to commit to and stuff like that. I SHOULD be happy for her, but take the sugar coating away, it hurts inside. Yesterday and today, she asked me if she could have a boyfriend. Oh God, I really wanted to say NO, but I couldn't. I just gave her some words of encouragement. But she told me that she is afraid of taking this step, I replied by telling her that life is all about risks. We can not move on if we don't take risks (Thank you for this line JEDI master DAVE) and bla bla bla. So now I'm going insane thinking that Queenie might be the one who I am looking for? I don't want to loose her like how I lost elaine. But the argument to this is that, she really considers me as a friend, her best friend in fact and the feeling is mutual. I guess I'm really to attatched to her, so I guess I can't call this love or maybe just love for a friend. I tell you, life is full of mysteries which are often left unsolved. And this is one of the mysteries that will drive me up the wall. Right now, I'm just drowning my self with all these questions. I really don't know what to do.....

Fresh Start

I just formated my computer a couple of days ago. Thought it would slove my volume slider problem (long story). Anyways the past couple of days were really slow. Nothing really left to do around here, than to stare at my monitor and I guess play alot of games. Mom told me that we might be leaving for australia on May 1. Hmmm how will Austrailia be? Again, I'll be the only person who is as young as me. Going to be boring? I'll be considering it, but I hope it's not. Nothing really to report in my end, as always, Elaine occasionally pops up in my head, but I try to forget her. And oh yeah, my dryer jus blew, good thing my hand is still in one piece.

Summer Sensation (numb)

Finally school's out and now I can slack off! Been slacking off for the past few days (whats new though). My mom is still not back from Hong Kong, because my A-ma had an operation over there. She had a nasty spill and they had to operate. Tomorrow I get my grades! I hope that I pass my accounting test, because the finals was too damn hard! I really hope I get to pass it! Nothing really to report so far, my life is moving like molases, but like anything exciting ever happend...

Woo Happy Birthday to me? But whats so happy about it?

Today I turn 20... So? Why do people fuss about birthdays anyways? Every year its just the same... Something is bound to screw up or go wrong. Well anywyas. I'm 20, I better start acting my age now

MOVED at LAST!!

Ugh this is the last time I'm moving this blog! Damn GEOCITIES are asking for cash to use their FTP services and alike. Sigh, I hope this time bravenet my new host will not screw up like geocities. Also, sorry for not really keeping this blog alive. Partly because I was lazy and didn't have any mojo to write with and the other reason is that I was busy. YES busy! With what you ask? Well with *gasp* school work! Damn school won't let us be free for the summer vacation so they are keeping us until the 15th! This will be the first time that I'll be having class on my birthday, sigh, it sucks to be me! Speaking of birthdays, it's Pam's birthday tomorrow. *hehe* kept on bugging me to give her a gift. Guess I'm totaly screwed, didn't have the time to pick a gift for her so hmmm greetings and a kiss would do for now!

testing?

Hell Starts again TODAY

Have to go to school again for at least two more weeks then off I go, but DAMN got lot of things to finish, things to do bla bla bla... No more slacking off, once again I'll have to flip the switch to CRUCH TIME MODE!!! See ya in a coulpe of years or so.

Used?

I just came back from bringing Queenie and Pam home. *UGH* Why do they live so far away from me?? FYI, they came here btw because the needed help with their computer project. I just feel so used all the time. I mean, I really don't expect any reward from them, it's just that I'm just tired from following their "orders". But then again, Queenie is my best friend, but sometimes she just goes too far... Man, I'm just so confused right now, Don't know what to do. As always, I hope the answers come to me soon......

Nothing to report really

As expected, even though my folks are gone, I still have a boring life. Nothing cool as really been happening. It's just the same routine day in day out. ARGH!! I should at least do something before they come back and not waste this chance, but DAMN it, I can't of anything to do and who to invite to go out with. Queenie would be the best candidate, but damn! After that saturday night, I'm thinking twice again if I want to go that far out again. Well worse comes to worse, I think I'll ask her out or something. Anyways this really sucks! Maaaaaaaaaaaan my uncle just told me awhile ago that I should socialize some more. That made me feel bad and started to realize I should really do. But don't get me wrong, I do socialize but I really dont like going out at night that much. Maybe I'm just so used to not going out because of my damn curfew and the places that my freinds go are really not my cup of tea. Ahh FRELL it, I don't care this is my life and I choose how to live it.

Freedom?

So guess what? My folks left for abroad and they left me all alone back at home. Been doing alot of "work" with my ps2 *hehe* In fact, just finished my Metal Gear session 30 mins ago. I'm now recovering on how that game ROCKS!! Well got really nothing to say right now. This week was quite crazy. Lot of crazy things happend to some people I know... Well anyways its 1:30 am have to wake up at around 10 to go out...

School Sucks

Ok ok, I know I shouldn't be ranting like this like a little child, but honestly, I'm so freakin tired of my routine. It's just every week I do the same thing over and over again!! It's just driving me up the wall now!! I need some more excitement, some spice or just SOMETHING!! In an hour or so, I'll be getting ready for accounting class and *sigh* here we go again. Hmm it's kinda weird, it's just not me feeling this kind of boredom, I reconfirmed with Pong and Pam and they said the exact words. I really don't know whats happening here *lol* another plague maybe?? All I know is, I'm just tired of my rinse, wash, repeat lifestyle.... Any suggestions?

My not so perfect weekend

After how many months of staying home on a saturday night, I finally was able to go out with Queenie and my other freinds. Let's just say I really didn't enjoy my self, there are just a lot of reasons to why last night wasn't a blast, but let's just leave that out shall we? Generally, I was bored. Nothing really exciting happend last night, just a normal night out with the people who I see everyday *lol*. I guess thats why I wasn't so thirlled about last night. I think I'd rather go out with Sheilla and the others, they are more, hmmm lively I guess, but I'm not saying that yesterday's group was boring, It was just too quiet for me. Also, I hated the music hahaha so I guess that ruined my night!

My not so perfect day

Thought today would be a really fine day (finally), because Elaine's boyfreind got sick today. This all started when I was doing an activity inside the Computer Lab in our school, then suddenly somebody tapped me on the shoulder. What do you know, it was Elaine and that no good sob wasn't with her. I thought he must be late or something, then she told me that she was waiting over an hour for him (aww poor her). And more surprises come, Sheilla and Pong come inside the same computer lab and told Elaine that her boyfreind was sick (via cell phone). *Ping* It hits me that I rarely get this kind of luck and I really expected my day will be perfect, but unfortunately, I really didn't get to talk to her too much. She was kinda like avioding me, but not in a obvious manner. I understand her actions, I mean who wouldn't with the history that we had. So the lesson learned here is, never expect too much out of your day, because you can crash bad! Although I still enjoy these unexpected surpises, it's times like these that makes you feel good that you're alive...

BTW, don't you just hate it when the prof says: Elaine CHUA instead of Chan?

A few words before setting off

I'm about to go to school right now, going to be seeing alot of Elaine today *sigh* and I really do hope pam is feeling better... Hope I have a nice one today!

Sabaw!! (soup)

Well things haven't been really all that sweet and colorful. Ugh I can't believe Elaine keeps coming back in my head (but what's new ey?) Oh well at least it ain't as bad as before. As I said, nothing really has been stirring up my world. Same old boring life. Still no direction, still no life and most of all still no Elaine. Sigh, life sucks sometimes when you get to know it.

Also, Pam is really feeling down and really shitty. Man if you hear the things that she gone through today, you wont wonder why. I hope things turn out for the best of her, because she is really becoming desperate. I'm also trying to help her out in some ways. I don't know whether or not if she is going to the movies with me as I'd promised her so that she'd cheer up a bit... Anyways, either way, I'm glad that we are talking again....

Moving again

Damn geocities just told me that I won't be having access to their ftp manager after April. Well I stil can store files but it won't be publishing. UGH thanks alot!!! I just moved a couple of months ago, now I have to do it again... That's why I haven't been posting anything for the past couple of days. I'm looking for a good and free webhost. I signed up for Bravenet, but they still havent given me the green light yet.... UGHHH If anyone knows a good webhost please email me or post something in the comment box! Thanks!!

Weekend DAY 3

Ahhhh it's the final stretch of my cool weekend. Was able to things I wanted to do, basically just lie around and play with my games all day long *hehe*. School starts again tomorrow ugh gotta face work, traffic and BS again. I'm spending my final hours of today by just kicking back. Really got nothing to do that much right now. Although, I gotta study for my accounting midterms for this wednsday. The prof said it will be a 70 items test UGH gross!! I just hate accounting! Hope I'll pass the midterms this time!

Also, was able to chat with Karen again today. It was really cool that I was able to talk to her again and stuff. And speaking of freinds, I finally got hold of queenie, but unfortunately she was doing stuff for her former guy*. But at least, I was able to talk to her quite abit. Well that's going to be it now. Going to try to figure things out on what I have to do tomorrow, but I guess it will be nothing really. Ohh boy back to reality and I hope its going to be fun!!!

*see archives at around december-january

Weekend DAY 2

Phew! Just finished a game of C&C:Renegade! A first persion shooter version of the popular strategy game, Command and Conquer. I can't describe how great this game is! Team work is an absolute MUST in this game! Nobody can go in solo and win the game. Cooperation is the key word and we just pulled it off with my squad (DEMO). I miss playing games until the wee hours of the morning, this is my first time to be playing this late since the last term. It's realllllllllllllllllllly tiring, I'm going to bed in a bit...

Today btw, we watched the movie as I mentioned and it was so-so. Didn't like it too much, but it didn't bore me. Mannn it's getting late, I think I'll post again tomorrow and I bet I'll be staying around the house the whole day!

Weekend DAY 1

Time flies by really quickly, can't believe its already 8pm ughhh. The guys came over and we just played alot of ps2 (that 2nd hand piece of crap). That dumb boot disk doesnt work 100% damn damn damn. And tomorrow will be another day. My mom said that we will be catching Collateral Damage the movie by arnie. I hope it will be good. IMO Arnie is just one over sized muscle head. Well I don't know, holywood can surpise you in different ways!

Hmmm I'll be also trying to get a report from Queenie on what had happend to her fashion show. Tried to call her up just know, but she is talking to someone else (like she doesn't run out of people to talk to). Sometimes it's just disappointing when I want to talk to her on the phone, I have to wait in line like I'm queuing for a ride in a theme park. I tell you, it's exactly like a rollercoaster ride, you que for so long then you step in, get thriled for 5 mins and the ride is over. Once I get to talk to her BAM! She hits the call waiting button and tells me that she has someone else to talk to... ugh! And in school I could barely talk to her straight, because she keeps on hanging out with her other girl friends. So what am I suppose to do? That's why I guess I wont be joining her in a retreat session that our religon teacher is planning. It's because it will be the same at school, I won't be really having anyone to talk to, well as in real talk not just idle chatter. *hehe* Guess she is wanted by lots of people and I just have to cope with that.....

Ahh Finally the weekend!

It seems that I've been waiting for a decade for the weekend to come. I've been bored and stuff and I think I'll be playing alot of games like I use to do *hehe*. Jed and Dave are coming over hope that will be a blast. I'm at school right now and strangely, I've been posting logs here for the past 3 days? Weird, I used to hate posting here at school but it became a habbit *hehe* Anyways, enough of this senseless ranting.....

Btw guess whats going to happend tonite at school! My very own Queenie will be modeling tonite!! W007!! She's been chosen (or lets just say forced) to model for her friend that is taking up fashion design. *hehe* Of course she doens't want to do it, but I bet she will be a good model! She has the height and the body for it!! Hope she doesn't trip or anything tonite! And I bet she's going to blow everybody away!!

So once again WELCOME WEEKEND save me from the insanity!!

Stil some more boring posts

Arghh! It's just frustrating that nothing really exciting happends. I'm just bored out of my wits and keep on posting these boring logs. Well anyways, the weekend is fast approaching and it will be a long one since on monday there will be no classes *w007* more time with the ps2 LOL. Maybe Jed can come over to play that scary ass game agian!!

Hmmm life is pretty lame right now. I think I'll be talking more on my ps2 games than my life, since they make my world (words from a loser). Oh yeah speaking of ps2 games, I was scared out of my pants when I played Metal Gear Solid 2. I guess you would know that sound when you get discovered in the game. That loud sieren like sound. Argh!! Since I hooked my ps2 to my AV receiver, it kicks up the sould quality alot resulting to making the sounds very distinguishable. Anyways, I'm just a big frady cat and I lead a boring life!

Linear Week

Sigh... Everyday is always just the same. I need some excitement, variation or just something to look forward to this week. Although, Jed and Dave are coming over to the house. They are going to crash over and at the morning we are trying to make an instrumental song for my grop work in LIT class. And the rest of the day Jed will try to finish the horrible horrible game called Silent Hill 2. I borrowed the game from Franco 3 days ago, but since then, I never got the disk out from the box. I'll never dare to play the scary game *lol*. Well I hope I'll some fun for this week since midterms are just about to be done so I think I'll be going back to becoming a bum...

Ps2 with a Twist of Irony

Sorry for this late post, I've been "busy" or just lazy to write up a post. Crazy things have been happening lately, I've already bought my new ps2 but *damn* I'm just a failure when it comes to consoles. The ps2 is fine and all, it plays the games I wanted to, but the disk to load the fake game is just a copy, thus making it to boot up harder. I know this is complicated to understand, but let me just say, here in the Philippines Pirates rule!! *hehe*. So I asked for a replacement disk for the "boot disk" amd the shop told me to call them up on thursday. Also, if I wanted the original boot disk I have to pay extra for it. DAMN THEM MAN!!! Screw that shop!! After getting the original disk from them I'll never buy anything from them. It kinda bugged me for the past few days, but now I'm kinda over it. Oh btw, colin my dearest fan hahaha I got those games you mentioned as in all of them!!! Jed and dave is coming over this weekend, why dont you come over din!!

Valentines Wha?

It seems that the day I was ranting about turned out surprisingly ok. *hahaha* Never did once I feel that love-BS I was anticipating. Well good thing it never did happend! Today was really another crazy day. I really don't want to get into too much deatails because it was more on the ugly side. Queenie again told me she has troubles with some her friends. The usual, you know.... Can't believe also tomorrow is friday! Another week has gone by without me knowing about it. Midterms will also be hitting us next week so I guess I'll be out for a few days? But I doubt that *hehe*. I have to "study" well seriously I have to for two subjects which are full of technical terms.

Oh yeah I might also be buying my ps2 tomorrow, if mom gets the money from dad. Hmmm I'm really quite unsure yet whether to buy again or not. Just too much issues floating around my head. Hmmm gotta think straight this time. I hope I'll make the right choice

For this Valentines "BS" day log, I'll leave you with a quote from one of the greatest movies I've seen so far (Vanilla Sky)

"The sweet ain't as sweet without the sour"

Screw Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be that dreaded day called valentines. Who the hell made up that day anyway? It just sucks ass!! Btw, I also read my poem, which I wrote yesterday, to Queenie. After reading it to her she was impressed, then I asked her to who do you think I wrote this for? She immdiately replied "Elaine". I said nope, its not for her, guess again! Then she told me that she was really tired and didn't want to guess. So eventually I told her straight that it was for her. She was touched and all and thank me.
I guess the reason for not writting for Elaine is because, I'm really tired from this crap. She knows I had feelings for her so whats the use showing them now when she loves someone else. At first it was kinda fun, but now it's getting boring for both me and her. So I decided to write about to the person who I owe so much to. And it really feels nice doing something really nice for a person who you care for. It just makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. I hope good changes like this in me will still continue. Even my day today was great for some reason, I really do hope it will just stay like this.......

Remebering the Old

This morning I was supposed to go to mass with my folks because today is Ash Wednsday. Since there was school today and the church was pretty near, we just walked it out. As I was walking to church, eventually we would pass my alma matter. While passing by, I remebered how I spent my 13 years in this damn school. Bitchy teachers, tons of homework and the lowest kind of peer preassure. But I also too had my moments in that school, but strangely, negativity just popped in my head. I guess it was just early and I lacked sleep. So right now, I'm just burning time until I go to school. My schedule is really crazy today because I was supposed to go to virra mall this afternoon to go check some prices for a new ps2 (btw I sold that old piece of crap, so now I'b buying a new one). I hope the mass at school will be early, so it won't mess up my schedule that much. Also, next week is MID TERM WEEK! Ugh! Have to go study this weekend (like I do it all the time). Hope I do well this time. Wait, I'll just be honest here, let me rephrase that. *ahem* I hope I just pass everything! There ya go *hehehe* although I must set higher goals for myself and I have to do it soon....

Poem for my best friend

Hey I was able to make a poem for lit class. It supposed to be in an iambic pentameter form, but it really does not follow the syllable coun't *hehe* screw that I can't write properly with it. So here it goes hope you folks like it:

You picked me up when I was down and dirty
You called my name when nobody wanted to
You held my hand when I was lonely
You painted my day when it was blue

You whispered to me when everybody yelled
You came to me when nobody was there
You cleared my mind when I dwelled
You gave to me that what is rare

I thank God he gave me to you
I thank the stars they guided me to you

Official Post

Ok this will be my official post after the facelift, last night doesnt count because I was very sleepy!!! Anyways, first of all, I want to thank JED CRUZ my main man for helping me out with designing my stupid template... It doesnt look that good because I just borrowed it. I'm thinking of rewriting the code, but there is a furious debate within me from doing so. You might have noticed the banner below, as I said this is the site of my good buddy Jed. Cool comics so CLICK on it and read it ok! It's worth your time, trust me.

The reasons why I placed my blog on a hosted site because I wanted to put more media into my blog. I've noticed that my posts were so boring, no pictures, no music, NO NOTHING. So this time, blogging will be more interesting and I hope you my readers (if there's any) will be more motivated to read about my boring life. I've started a new blig Chinese new year is tomorrow and I feel I'm starting a new life! I hope this will be the mark of a brand new beginning. KONG HEI FAT CHOI!

Major Facelift

Ahhhh FInally after hours and hours of work I got my blog on Geocities. I tell you, I spent the whole day working on this stupid thing *lol* I hope to get more traffic. As you can see also I was able to get a comment function up by YACCS, I hope you guys reading this will be able to give comments and stuff. I'm really tired now I guess I'll do more tomorrow. THANK GOD FOR DSL!!!!


P.S. I would like to thank my good buddy and fellow squad member Jed Cruz for helping me out with this dumb coding fot html. Make sure to check his site out here. It's an online comic strip site, I want to invite you guys to read his stuff!! It's really funny!

OMG! What a DAY!!

Phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww What a day all right..... I tell u, today's events were so unexpected! First of all the I was planning to watch a movie with queenie today at the Power Plant, but that failed since me and my folks are going to watch another movie at the same mall... They wanted to watch at 7:20 but I will never make it because I have to bring home queenie and I doubt I will be back in time... So we decided that we will just eat lunch and buy her the bag I promiced her... While going home through the High Way, I was pulled over by a police man because I wasn't following the roadsign (which was to go left).... I did't notice the road sign so It's really my fault and all... Boy was I in a JAM!!! If they get my license, I'm sure to be found out by my folks (because I told them franco was bringin queenie home).... OHHH boy then Queenie suggested to give him some cash to bribe the sucker! So I did, I waved out my hundred peso bill and *tada* he suddenly becomes nice to me.... DAMn man lost a hundred bucks but I was able to get out clean..... So I brought her home then went back to the mall again.... I sat down at subway and I rested... I just sat there from 4:40-7:00 damn I needed the rest! Then we went to see black hawk down... IT WAS GREAT!! It was worth the wait I tell you!!

To sum everything up, today was crazy but fun day... I had a blast with queenie and I hope she did with me!! One of my most memorable weekends *haha*

The BS is gone, but I still lag!

Damn ISP giving me a headache! I got everything fixed now, the only thing remaining is the slowwwwwwwwww internet speed! I'm supposed to be on DSL but my speeds are at modem speed... WTF??? It's really pissing me off! They want a price increace but the service still sucks?? WTF??? Mann I'm sick of all this fraud! Screw PLDT SCREW The government!

Technical BS!

Arrghhh! I'm very frustrated from whats happening to my computer... I just upgraded to XP and my first try I had it good... Then I installed some patches for my different programs then things started screwing up... Not to mention my DSL speeds have been slowing down... It's about a modem speed claimed by DSLreports.com... Damn it, it really bites... I have been tweaking for the past few days and not getting enough sleep because of it! I was planning to sleep early and wake up late today but I forgot to give Queenie's accounting book the day before so I'm in school an hour early before my class.... I'm trying to kill time here in school by surfing but I don't think it's working.... Mannnnnn I'm just so freakin sleepy right now and I still have classes at 6pm... I think when I get home I'll go catch some zzz to renergize!!

Zooom!

Wow things have been happening really quick!! Remeber about Queenie and her guy? Well they've been found out and the first few days she was feeling terrible... She even cried on monday first thing in the morning... That was how bad the situation is... But now, things have been cooling down... As much as possible, the problem has been controled and toned down abit... Although, I wish that guy would stop calling her regularly... As if nothing happend between them... Well in the other hand it's nice that he is not forgetting Queenie and the relationship they had... But I wish he would do it when things are really cool between him and his girlfriend... I just feel like smacking him on the head....

Well as for me, about the elaine issue, I'm just over it now... I don't feel that bad anymore and I guess I've faced reality... I really don't dwell on the subject anymore and I won't start it here... I'm at school right now, we had make up classes this morning and I glad I came! The students who attended today's class will get plus 10 points for the next quiz! WOW!!! just for attending! ITS a freakin steal man!!!! I'm also waiting for my good buddy david to text me and tell me that he is on his way home... sighhhh it's pretty boring here right now... Queenie and the others left so I'm stuck here alone.. Hehe but I guess I'm already used to it by now...

Oh yeah and last night I caught Idle Hands on HBO... Its a sick movie and I don't recommend smart people to watch it....

Trying to Get Over it (again)

I'm at school now using the internet kiosk... I was off early since we just had a quiz for our first subject... I hope I can pass it.... Anyways, I was glad that Elaine wasn't "ilang" with me today in class... Her reaction to me was normal, so I too tried to play it as normal as I can... But for some reason, I'm always was looking at her... If it wasn't for the quiz I would, be staring at her all day long.... Before I came here I went first to the chapel... Seeking for guidance with the Lord.... I'm really so desperate now, I just got lost all over again.... I'm trying now to cope with everything that is happending, but it's too darn difficult... I prayed that I would really find my answers soon, I really hope I could find them.... I just heard the bell ring a few minutes ago, so I'll be heading up for my last class of the day.... I just want to end this day now..............

"It's Like I Died Again"

God, the past few days were aweful... So this what happend, Saturday afternoon, I texted elaine and asked her if she did her homework in ORGANBE (organizational behavior)... She said she wasn't able to do it yet because she doesn't have a computer to do it on... So once again, the hero that I am, I offered to do her homework... Of course she was kinda hessitating but I reassured her that I can do it.... So after that I asked her why aren't you out... She said there was nothing really to do anyway.... I said why dont we go out and catch a movie on next saturday.... After a few texts she finally agrees... And of course I was really happy and stuff... Thinking that I'll be getting my second chance with her... but I felt that there is something wrong to this picture.... And I really hate it when I'm right... While watching a movie on that same day, she suddenly texted and apologized for raising my hopes with her since she is still patching things up with her boyfriend and saturday is not really a great idea.... Woah man... Hold the phone..... I wasn't able to watch the movie properly nor believe on what I am reading... But I collected my feelings and tried to finish the movie... So once the movie was over, me and my folks sat down in this veitnamese restaurant and I started to reply.... I said that I'm sorry for being foolish for inviting her and stuff... She said that I was just being there for her and she thanked me... I said that I'm glad she sees it that way and I also admited to her that I still have feelings for her and I couldn't shake it.... Then here comes the hard blow, she said that she was flattered but, she still loves her boyfriend, if she was able to give her love to me she would, but she really does love her boyfriend.... *sigh* From then on eating wasn't really a good idea... I felt like braking up, if I wasn't in a public place I would just curl up and cry.... For some reason swallowing was really a difficult task.... Regret filled me up and I was just sad.... One of the saddest days of my life... being rejected twice........ It's so god aweful that I try to forget that day, but I can't.....
Right now I'm still trying to recover, tommorow will be monday and I don't know on how will I react to her... I guess it will be still normal but everytime I will be seeing her, it will be more painful now.......... *Sigh* Sometimes even death comes to mind...... I just love her.... If only I could have her.......

Still mixed up

Since we were dismissed from our last class early, strangely, Queenie asked me to go and eat with her... So we end up staying in Mcdonalds... I bought her some fries and Ice tea... So while eating we talked and I asked if she was able to talk to elaine yesterday.... She did and she said that she really didn'l like the idea that she loves her boyfriend so much... I told her, well if she really loves him we can't do anything right?? But here's another line that blown me away for the day... elaine said that "kung kaya ko lang ibigay ang love kay james na binibigay ko kay Jayson( boyfriend ) dati ko pa ginawa pero hindi ko lang talaga kaya"... DAMN MAN.... Right now I'm pretty am confused on how to feel about this... Certainly I kinda feel flattered that she knows that I exsist, but still, the feeling of regret, the feeling of me longing for her and my love has grown... I mean these past few days are really crazy... Now I don't know if I can shake up my feelings for her as easily as before... Hell I was having a hard time already before and now I hear these things from Queenie... I'm just going nuts thinking about it.... Right now, I really don't know what to do... This is the first time I've been so lost in my feelings that I just want to give up... I just wished that I could have told her how I felt before... Just a day to change everything.... If I had elaine, it would be the happiest and most wonderful thing that could happend to me.... I wouldn't ask anything from the lord again because I would be the happiest man in the world.... But reality bites.... I can't take the truth anymore....

Damn it, it's just so frustrating that why I still love her......

Queenie and her guy


Hehehe to make up for not posting for two days I'll write this seperate post because I just feel like it... *ahem* SO here it goes....

Apparently Queenie has this new guy.... Although the catch is that this guy of his has a girlfriend... Now he is torn on which girl to love??? But it looks like the ball is heading Queenies court... I mean this guy spends more time with her than his girlfriend.... *wahaha* Kinda funny on whats going on... Well but it shouldn't be taken lightly... SHe really likes this guy and I hope everything will turn out ok for her... She finally finds the right one, but the right one is attached.... Damn how Ironic.... But luckily for her this guy also feels for her... Unlike me I just really have to play it innocent with Elaine.... Damn I do hope things would come around for me just this once...

So I'll give an update on whats happending about Queenie... This story musn't be missed... I guess I call this the "Messed up Love triangle" series.... *Waaahahaha* That, or if I think up of a better title....

P.S. This is the same guy I mentioned on December 31, 2001 *hehe*

???


Ok so here is the story, Queenie was telling me about elaine and her boyfriend fighting... I'm really not sure what it was about but I figured that her boyfriend said something very aweful, because he is very known for that in the classroom, very tackless I mean... Queenie wouldnt go into too much details because if she told me I might be the crap of her boyfriend if I knew what he did or said... She just told me that she was so mad that she said that "sana kayo na lang ni james kasi alam ko aalagan ka pa nya"... So I chose not to also because I want to respect the privacy of elanie and I wouldnt want any trouble now... DAMN i've been thinking about it ever since I was going home from Alabang Town Center... I mean the whole drive the way back... Thinking about what Queenie Told me... Was it that bad??? I really do hope she is alright... btw me and Queenie ate lunch there because I asked her to come with me to pick up my mom in Alabang.... So we sat and ate and then she told me the story... I knew something was up with elaine because she went in early and her eyes were "maga"... I asked her that if she didn't sleep well and she told me that she couldn't... but I guess now I know the real reason why.... But hey today also was a great day... 2 out of 3 subjects I sat beside elaine and we got to talk also... I mean I rarely now sit beside and just talk with her... I sometimes miss talking to her... I dunno it's just fun sometimes and I find her cute when she smiles and stuff.... Arrrrrghhhhh right now it's more difficult not falling head over heals for elaine... Sometimes I just want to stop the insanity and just freaking move on (I mentioned this about a million times now)... But I couldnt really shake it...... Knock me on the head, slap me with a 2x4, anything... JUST anything to help me forget... Sometimes I just couldnt stand it anymore....................

Mixed Emotions

I've been having mixed emotions on giving up on driving myself to school... I just realized that it's already the 15th and 4 more days to go before my driver comes back... In a way I'm having some fun and on the other fun it's quite stressful... Everytime I go home I always take a nap which I didnt do before... Although its nice to be free from any schedule... I make my own schedules and choose what time to go home... So I'm just trying to balance everything up and see how I'll feel about it in the end...

School today was ok, didnt do much, just listened to the proffs give out thier lectures.... The last subject which was sociology, the proff was looking for a couple to help her prove her point in her discussion... And what do you know, she chose Elaine and her boyfriend... *hehe* obviously taunts were hurled and I was been teased majorly!! Hmmm but I wonder, everytime they tease on Elaine and me, how does she feel deep inside? I guess irritated? Or maybe shy about the fact I liked her before?? Hmmm... Pretty curious question, dont you think??

Bored


Hey hey I'm back again and I decided to write up something here... I haven't been really active in writting posts ever since I came back from Thiland... Hmmm I wonder? Anyways, I forgot to mention that my folks let me drive going to school because our driver is out on vacation and will be coming back the next week... I've been driving my self to school for a week now and at first it was kinda cool, but came the 2nd week of school, I'm kinda tired already of driving *haha*... It's just that it's too early in the morning and I have to fight through traffic day in day out... Well I guess this will be a temporary thing and I'll have to enjoy it for this is my last week to be driving my self to school (thank GOD)... This morning was really a rush for me... I really had to pee bad while I was stuck in traffic... Luckily I was nearing my destination (starbucks which is right across school)... *haha* I was squirming like a worm inside the car... DAMN the traffic!!! Well good thing I was able to hold it in all the way... Oh yeah every MWF I have almost 2 hours to spare because I dont have the first subject which was 8:20-9:20... But I'm already at school at around 7:30 so I spent my time at starbucks sipping my Cappuccino while fiddling my gameboy advance... I guess I'll be doing that for two more days in the week... hahaha kinda nice that I can still lay back and just hang around...

Out of Action


Sorry about the blog black out.... I've been loosing interest to write and now I just got it back again! Well I'm pretty mixed up again right now... My feelings for Elaine are slowly coming back again *sigh*... Again, as usual it's so hard for me to forget her, but I'm trying my best to do so.... Oh yeah I also bought a Gameboy Advance! It's the best handheld device ever!! VErrrrrry powerful for a little machine hehehe I bring it almost everywhere I go! Keeps me company if I've got nothing to do... Although, I kinda feel shy bringing it out... Hehe kinda feel like a kid but what the heck!! Who cares as long as I'm having fun!!!

New Year, New Life


Blogger was down yesterday so I wasn't able to write a new year entry, so I'll just being doing it today.... WOW its already 2002! Time flys reallllllllly fast!!! It's really been a crazy year for me lots of up's and downs, well mostly alot of downs... but now its the new year and I'm trying to change my life.... I'm giving my self a clean slate, a fresh start! That's why I'm kinda happy right now... I hope I can make the most out of my second chance... So welcome 2002 good bye 2001!!!

HOME! (Finally)


Well I'm finally back home!! I really had a grand time in Thiland!! Good food, nice culture and HOT CHICKS!!! Oh well enough of that I'm really kinda upset about something... And it's really weird that I'm upset about this... Queenie has this guy she likes and she told him how she felt about the guy.... But guess what? This guy likes queenie too so they are in this sort of Mutual Understanding... But the problem here is that, this guy has a girlfriend already and thier dillema is how they will fix everything up... Right now they are trying to fix this up and I hope they find thier answer soon... But why should I be so affected? I mean I only like her as a friend and that's it.... I think I'm just kinda jealous and stuff that she found someone although she is in a tight situation right now.... But then again she still found someone to like...... I wish I could be like that with Elaine............. Kept on thinking about her while I was on my trip........... Sigh here we go again.....

Bloggin in THILAND


Hey hey!! I'm in Thiland right now in some sort of small internet cafe... I couldn't stand being off line for 4 days!! Need to get my fixx from the net *haha* Anyways I'll be going home tommorow... I'm just waiting for my folks to come to this mall because they are busy doing something... Thiland is really a nice place... Lots of temples to see and they have a very rich culture... Well on the other hand I've been silent too for the past few days... Not too much people to talk to since I'm surrounded with adults literally... But hey I've been looking around also and the girls here are FINE!!!!! Phew! They are soooo fine I wish I could come back again *lol*... Hmmm nothing much really to say now so I'll guess ill be checking out and going to pay the fee which is 2 bhat a minute hmm pretty expensive i might say... Well thats it see ya all tommorow!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


Well it's 10:44pm here, a couple more hours it's already Christmas!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!! Mannnnn I'm going to leave also tommorow as I mentioned... So I posting today for tommorow's sake!!! Well that's it guys! Merry Christmas again and may you have a happy new year!!!

Christmas Vacation


Just woke up right now and it's kinda late already, but who cares I'm on a holiday *hehe*.... I'll be leaving tommorow for Thiland with my family... Yes yes it Christmas day tommorow, but my mom figured that not so many people would be leaving that day, thus making the airport less crowded... Makes sense to me... But I'm really not thrilled on going to Thiland... I guess because of my last trip, when I went to the states, I really did not have anyone to talk to... Since I'm the only child I always go with the adults... *sigh* in other words despite the sight seeing, it might be a boring trip for me... That's why I'm not all that excited and stuff.... I wish I didn't have to go.... I don't mind not going, but hey! It's christmas so I'll just give them a chance this time... See ya on the 30th!!!

It's Not So Bad Afterall...


Well today is another day so why waste it on moping around? I'm just trying to accept my failure and try to keep my head up high... It's the holidays so why beat it?? Queenie and I talked over the phone this morning, but it was short... She was just checking up on how I was doing from yesterday... I really felt bad because I really didn't say much, but I apologized just now and said that I wasn't just really in the mood... I also said thanks for being concenrned and for cheering me up... Well I'm once again stuck in the house... I've plan my day by watching a couple of DVDs... Final Fantasy and Tomb Raider... I'll start with Tomb Raider since I've never seen it yet then after a few minutes. I'll watch Final Fantasy.........Again I just want to start over... Forget what I posted yesterday... I was just sooo frustrated.... Merry Christmas to you guys and I mean it this time....

Out of the Storm, but Bearly Breathing


Hey I'm back from this terrible terrible week.... I just got my grades today... I passed everything except for that stupid accounting class!! More than 20 of us failed the subject.... This is such a great holiday that I'll be busy most of the time fixing this mess... Fixing my schedlues, subjects bla bla bla bla...... I'm going to unwind tonite by playing some on line games.... Life is sweet ain't it?? Oh yeah a Merry Christmas too *sigh* I wish.....

What a Christmas!

Damn it!! I just told my parents I might fail accounting this term and boy were they mad!! My mom said "Nobdy Fails in Collage!"... So I so pressured now to pass the freakin course!!!!! Arrrrrrrghhhhhhh!!!!! Can't take it anymore!!!!!!! Damn it Damn it damn it!! I have lot's of things to accomplish also for this week!! So this is the time of the term where I go CRUNCH time again!!! See you in a few weeks or so....

ACCOUNTING SUCKS!!!!

I know you guys are tired of really hearing this all over again, but I need to let it out... ACCOUNTING SUCKS ASS!!!!!!! Damn it!!! I need to get a grade of 80% to be able to pass the subject!!! But it seems that 80 is reallllllllyyyyyyyy sketchy for me... I don't think I'll be able to pass this term, so I'm preparing my self for the worse.... Think possitively you say??? I tried that before, I even ran it through my mind a million times, but I don't think it will work this time... *sigh* Why the hell do we need accounting in our lives... You have accountants to do that right???


Btw, on a lighter note... I added a comment link below as you can see before you... So if you want to comment about my posts, please do so!! I'm really curious on how many people actually read about my stupid life... But I doubt many really do...

Not Going My Way

This was another crazy day that God gave me... First of all, I had to set up the video of Elaine's group (the video they took yesterday)... And I really made a bad mistake of forgetting the AV cable in Franco's house, so I wasn't able to edit thier commericials... Kinda dissapointing, but the show had to go on... It went smoothly althought thier commercials were hard to understand because of the lack of editing... Second, I took some digital photos of my classmates in the classroom... We asked the teacher to come and join in but some asshole shouted out "Wag na yan" or in english "Don't include her"... Damn was she upset!! At first I thought the prof. was kidding around... She asked me if I took a video during the Photos... I wasn't so I told her so... She pinned it down on my classmate who I think he was really innocent... But she told him that find the person who did that or he remains guilty... Man it's just really screwed up!! But the fun doesn't end there! It's also related to the photos, we have this classmate who is a local celebrity... She really is pretty and popular... And I was able to get a photo of her with my classmates in it of course.... But the shirt she was wearing was kinda low-cut so her clevage was showing a little... So some of my immature classmates wanted the action and kept on bugging me about her picture... I told them to grow up and respect the person!! But boys will be boys! They were taunting me and told me that I was just selfish and stuff, but I really wasn't... Hey don't get me wrong there, I'm not gay, but I respect people, females especially... The pictures are now uploaded in my yahoo briefcase, now to be seen by those freaks... I don't know... Peer pressure got to me I guess that's why I uploaded it... Maybe the reason I hessitated to upload was I've got this crush on her *hehe* but she never does notice me in class... *haha* Anyways is it wrong to just like someone?! The term will end soon, so I guess I won't be seeing too much of her anymore... I don't know who cares I shouldn't be ranting and trying to figure out these childish issues... Is it time to grow up? Or is it just normal??? I don't know anymore... It's kinda a messy day for me

No Pressure at All

Today seems a fine day... This morning I had to go to Franco's house to help them with thier news casting project... I had to be there by 8:30 but arrived at 9 because of the terrible traffic... The other groupmates arrived around 9:30-10:00... Was kinda pissed that they arrived later than me because I wasn't even part of thier group and I really was very sleepy... Another thing that kinda irritated me was that, they were having a hard time deciding which commerical to use for thier news casting... Oh come on, a simple thing like that shouldn't be pondered for more than an hour... So finally they decided then it was time to film... We finished around 1:30 then we went to school... Elaine also assigned me something to do for our religon class... I had to scan, edit and print at least 20 pictures... At first I didnt mind doing it, then I started working on it a few hours ago... *PHEW* it was tooooooooo tedious!! So I texted Elaine and told her that it was alot of work for a day (it was due for tommorow)... So I told her I'll just choose the relevant pictures so in my opinion the outcome would be better... As always Elaine "the dictator" tried to talk me out of it, but I said just leave it to me then I guess in a disappointing way she just agreed.... So that was my day, kinda irational, but I'm still standing after the storm....

I Feel Like a Kid Today

As the title says, I really do feel like a kid today! I watched two movies with my mom, the first one was Harry Potter and the second was Monsters INC.Surprisingly Harry Potter was good! At first I really protested on watching that movie because of it's hype and I really do think it's for kids. The story was really for kids but it wasn't that kiddie kiddie corny stuff... You know what I mean... It was quite fun watching it but I better not tell the people in my class, because they know that I'll never watch that movie *hehehe* it's kinda like a dark secret.... Monsters INC. was the movie I really wanted to watch... I've been a fan of Pixar's works (Toy Story 1&2 and A Bugs Life) They really know how to make good CGI animation! It was a funny and touching story, *hehehe* my mom even cried in the ending! Well that was my day, spent it all in the mall, but it was fun! It's just like being a kid again!

Hostages Secured!

Hey this is what I was trying to post up here! Some still pictures of our video yesterday for our project I was mentioning two days ago!! Everything went smoothly and we looked so cool!!! Check me out (green fatigues) in the foreground! Can I pass for SWAT? hahahaha!!! Mannn wish I had that gun!

Oops!

Sorry for the broken link below! It's suppose to be a picture from my yahoo briefcase, I couldn't link it so I might just get hosted so I can put pics here!