Unfortunately, It's That Time for me to Vent *again*

Ok so what's really wrong with me? No seriously? It's 2004 already and nothing has changed. I just got denied again with this girl I was courting named Yahna. I really don't want to go into the specifics since it will be forever etched in my mind that why she will always see me only as a friend and not as someone to love. Anyways anyways, after with the proper therapy (drinking from monday-wednsday straight did the trick!) day by day I'm able to accept the fact of her decision (having to wait a painful 3 months), hell it's the only thing I can do right? But I'm not really mad or bitter about all of this, I just get lonely, knowing that I don't have anyone to go out with during the weekends or whenever. Having that in the back of my mind sends sharp pains to my chest as a constant reminder that I am once again denied. But the bitching will eventually end, and I'll probably be normal again in a few months or so. After going through alot of rejections, this one seems to be S.O.P. already. Don't really want to think of the future , my mind is set to go with the flow now, so shoot me...

What was I thinking?

Trying to force myself to write some more, you know just to keep the brain going from time to time. Anyways, well I've been really feeling like a lazy ass bum when it comes to school. I guess I'm kinda tired of my schedule because every tuesdays and thursdays are veeeery long, but fortunately, it's our last week then next week will be our finals. So there goes my first term, whizzing by me with out me realizing it.

Oh well enough of the academics, I just want to be honest with myself now, I recently found a prospect, someone whos uhmm not exactly nice hehe but shes sweet. Thought something would work out, but I was so blind to the fact that she already had a bf. OK OK I'm not going into self PITY mode, since all of you already seen that side of me. I'm just trying to say that, why do these things have to happen to me. I'm almost seeing all of this as a joke and actually laughing at it. But the worse part of all of this is that, even though I knew that she already had a boy friend, I had a couple of attempts to ask her out (which were all failed FYI). The last attempt, which was last saturday, I tried to ask her out to a movie, but I should have taken the hint. I feel kinda bad and guilty that I was doing the wrong thing. I promised my self that I wouldn't do this again, but I can't just help myself and I guess I wasn't thinking. Oh well, that's done, I guess I just have to look again huh? I'm not really that depressed, but I just feel kinda sad which in time will surely fade away...

This google thing?

I just got this google toolbar, it's supposed to block out pop ups and since I usually use google as a search engine I guess it's practical to have. Long and behold it also had a blogger short cut, so I don't have to go to the website and post my entries, trying to put more effort into writting now 8(. Well anyways, nothing really has been happening to me for the past month or so. Finals week is fast approaching, turning over projects and stuff are really going to be a pain in the ass. But asides from that, nothing, I say again, nothing has changed since (well I got a new phone though a p800 something I really wanted during the summer time and smart made my wish come true hehehe). SO that's that, sorry for being really boring, but I can't just help it. I'm just calling what I see...

Nothing new really, just tired...

This week was really crazy. Been busy with this case study for our Strategic Marketing class and boy was it tough. Had to really think and all that crap !!! Well anyways the reporting is done and today I'm just planning to bum around (like always since it's a sunday and all). I can't believe that monday is coming again so soon. Been so busy that I almost forgot about my weekend :( but I hope this week will be more laid back. Well I really have nothing new to talk about. Just the same old things day in day out. Asides from aquiring a new game (Jedi Academy leeched by my good buddy jed! All hail the torrents) nothing really has changed drastically. Ok so there, I'm kinda lazy to think right now, so I'll just end my entry here...

Lookie lookie!!

So I got my DSL connection back (THANK GOD!) and I added something new in my blog. I call it KINQUE TV!! Just figured out how to let my webcam upload pictures to my blog. It takes pictures in 5 minute intervals (subject to change) and posts em here on my blog. Neat huh??

Anyways this week was hell. I was able to survive 3 projects and 4 midterms (with me not studying for any of them because I was very busy doing my projects). I'm just glad it's all over and I didn't burn out. Although, I hope that I get a good enough grades for my effort. Can't think too much anymore, will post again sometime this weekend...

Weekly Round-up

Still not on DSL yet, still waiting for them patiently. I just saw 4 episodes of CSI. We bought the whole first season on DVD yesterday and I'm glad for that. Looks like I'll spending my weekend at home, my buddies are busy hitting the books because it's already midterm week this coming week. Our midterms are a week after theirs, although I have 2 already next tuesday, but I guess I'll be hitting the books on monday. I got the whole day to study anyways. Nothing really interesting happend this week. We had our year book pictorials last wednday. Ahh first come the pictorials then next thing you know it, BOOM! Grad practice. Where does the time go? Most probably I'll be moving to Australia and try to find work there, but thats not definte yet, just a possibility. Still not really sure what I'm going to do with my life after I finish school. Might be harder than I though, but what isn't? Anyways, I got over what I'm supposed to get over with. had a talk with her and everything seems to be fine. But I must admit I miss those times with her. Wish I could have something like that again...

Trying to get over things...

My first post after moving into a new home for almost a month and a half. Haven't been on-line after yesterday. Haven't gotten my DSL connection hooked up yet because of some stupid technical issues. Too complicated to explain right now. Anyways, what's been happening with me you ask? Well I noticed the last post that I kept on mentioning about her. Well, I'm sorry to say that there is no more her. Why you ask? Long story, don't want to really get into it, but let's just say I got royally fucked. I'm not mad, just hurt. Trying to get rid of the lonliness that I'm experiencing for some reason. Also just realized that this will be my final year in school, two more terms and I'm finally free (or am I?). Oh yeah, been hooking up with my two old friends, Pam and Queenie. It's like being a roller coaster ride with those two. The fights, the complications, but in the end we are still all friends. I just realized that this will be my last year with them, so I'm trying as much as possible to spend some time with them before I regret it. But still, I can't help fight the lonliness, I'm really getting tired of this. Going to try to figure out how to get rid of all of this BS. Maybe hitting the bag tonite will help? Oh well, let's just see...

1 day weekend :(

First week of my summer classes has just gone by and I want to end it TODAY. I just can't believe that I have to go back to school again tomorrow. *sigh* I should stop whinning and talk about something else, but what the hell? This is my blog, deal with it. Anyways, despite school being a pain in the arse, I had a great saturday to compensate for. I was out with her again yesterday and had lot's of fun as usual. It's just funny that I never get satisfied after seeing her for a day. I wish I could see her more, but thats that. I hope to see her again next week though! Ok enough of that, I'm starting to sound like Dave's blog what happend to the angst, the depression, the sadness? Unfortunately folks, I think it's going to be all pretty and pink for quite a while. You can all blame it on her and not me...

I feel old

I was browsing through my messages on my phone, then I read Jeelai's message when she greated me for my birthday. "You're 21 na you old bastard..." and now my knees are giving up on me. The left went first and im forced to wear a knee support whemever I do any physical activities and now the right is giving way also 8( This sucks!! I have to put those hot compress bags over my 2 knees now (I can now hear dave yelling over the distance "You old GIT!!"). Anyways, with all these aches and pains, I was able to lose all the pounds I gained over the holy week and then some! So I guess it's not all that bad! I just hope my back doesn't give up on me also.

Today was a smooth day, hot, yet smooth. Didn't do much in school today either. Just sat down, listen to my prof speak and waited for the bell to ring. Anyways, two more weeks of this kind of toruture and I'm FREE! Then I hit school again on June 2 *DOH!*. Like I said, this ain't the best summer of all, but I'll make sure to make it up next year...

Lousy Summer?

It's just too fucking hot to walk around, too hot that it gives me migraines. I gained some pounds back and I just heard from dave that the guys are going to puerto on may 2-4. Lucky me, I can't make it. Why? I'll be missing 2 days of summer class and one of those days is a saturday which the prof in my Quant-t class always gives a quiz on that particular day. Hooray me. Been looking forward for all summer to hit the beach, but I don't get to go. I'm starting to hate my summer class and it's only the 2nd day. OMFG what did I get myself into. What kind of summer is this? Day by day, my summer is getting shittier and shittier.

Oh and a final note: She's not home yet. I hope she doesnt get too wasted and comes home soon....

Summer is giving me a headache (literally)

There's not a day I get attacked with a migraine because of this dumb heat. As I'm typing my blog, I'm still pestered by this stupid headache of mine. I'm not sure if it's because of the heat or I'm thinking too much or maybe a mix of the two. Any case, it's really annoying. For some reason I just can't settle down. Something is keeping me anxious, maybe I'm just too paranoid, but for some reason I'm getting all stressed up for nothing. Sounds weird, but as much as I want it to go away, I can't do that right now. Damn, I wish I could just figure out whats wrong with me and let the anxiety away.

On a final note, Summer classes start tomorrow. POS!! I just got out of school and now I'm going back again. I hope I survive my summer this year.

Where the F*ck have I been??

After a few months of bening shamelessly lazy on posting my blog, I've come back to once again share to you what goes on with my crazy crazy life. Lot's has been happening. I passed all my subjects, it's summer and I finally found someone special :D. I just hope everything turns out for the better with her this time. Anyways, back to the topic on hand which is: SUMMER!!! I've been hitting the gym almost non stop, doing all my cardio related activities and cramming them into my week. This summer, I hope to take out my shirt on the beach with PRIDE. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I'll be taking off my shirt in public and be proud of it!! Well sorry for the short post, I'm off to daves house and going to crash there for a night. Going to watch band of brothers. WWII goodness :D

One last night for freedom

Me and the guys well specifically two guys only Dave and Jomark went to Ponti. My cousin and the others should have followed but couldn't because of unforeseen circumstances. So we our pact for a new NO SMOKING life-style, we had to keep our fingers off those evil sticks and suck it up. But all we sucked up was 2nd hand smoke and me a Jomark were banging our heads from the temptation. POS!! THIS IS GOOD!! THIS IS RIGHT!! Clean lungs for everybody HOORAY! We survived one night of a smoke free gimmick!

I'm glad that me and Jomark left early, just felt sorry that we had to bail on Dave though. But we just hate crowds, the beer was freaking expensive and we had no smokes. Nothing much for us to do there but to gawk at all the chicks who pass by. Damn going there made me kinda frustrated at myself. Why do the bastards there always get lucky?? Anyways, I guess it's just late and I had a long night, so I guess this will just frustration of mine will all be over by tomorrow. So that's that, my one last night for freedom and I end it with frustration. Let's see what happens the next weekend...

Another Year has passed

Yes I'm back from thailand if you are wondering where I'm typing my blog from. I was going to go to a net cafe over there in Thailand, but felt lazy to go find me one. So, here I am back home staring at my beloved monitor, writting my blog.

So it's new years eve and kinda makes me think on how time can slip away from you so quickly. My relatives will be cramming the house in a few hours and I don't know what me and my cousins will do after dinner. Not sure if I'm going to hook up with the boys tonite, because I think my folks won't allow me to spend new years without the family. Anyways, lets just see what happends, not really too hyped up for new years eve like before when I was a kid. I'm not really in my writting mood now so I guess I'll just have to end my new years blog post here. HAPPY NEW year to everyone, let's see what 2003 brings...

Leaving for Thailand II

I think this is becoming a regular thing, I'll be leaving for thailand again tomorrow. Like last year, we will be spending Christmas over there, because we are to fancy to spend christmas here in the Philippines hehehe jk! But seriously, I wouldn't know why my folks want to spend Christmas there. I guess like my mom said, my dad needs a well deserve break from work. He never does get a break and while the lazy bum that I am, sits on his lazy ass all day and fiddles around with either his ps2 or the PC. Christ, when will I be a productive member of society? It's either I don't do anything, or I just screw everything up.

Dave and Jeelai seem to be getting along reaaaaly well. They've seem close both physically and emotionally now. Good luck to teh veil and may he have more blessings to come to this christmas season. I just wish sometimes I could hold someone like that also. Anyways, worse comes to worse, I got my hands right here to keep me company for awhile (for playing games you perv! WTF were you thinking?). Strangely, whenever anyone greets me a happy trip for tom, I get surprised and realize that, oh shit, I am leaving tomorrow. I'm just not that thirlled to leave yet. I hope I have fun though. So I gues I'll be writting another post when I get back which is on the 30th. Merry Christmas to you guys!

I just love my Christmas

I want to hold you, but I'm afraid you'll not hold me back
I want to feel you, but I'm afraid you'll not feel me
I want to say "I love you", but I'm afraid you'll say "Sorry"
I cry a tear for you, but you'll just shrug it away....

I thought of this poem while I was in the gym (unsual place for insipration eh?). The story behind this poem is that, I just feel so lonely for some reason. I don't know if it's because of christmas, but I just want someone to hold on to right now. Haven't been thinking of having a relationship with anyone for a long time now. Haven't met anyone new I guess. I just wish that my life would just be perefect, even for a day. Everything that I want, would just magically come true. Sadly, life isn't like a fairytale. You'll never get 3 fucking wishes to please you. No princess who just runs away when the clock strikes 12 and leaves her glass slipper. All I get is bitterness, rejection and realization of the stupid decisions I have made. I just wish, for my christmas present, life would be perfect for a day or hell, even for a half a day....

And the drinking continues...

I swear I thought tonite I wont be seing the boys since they will be going to alabang. But with a little thinking and a whole lot of realization, alabang won't be the best place to travel to during the christmas season. Fight the traffic in manila?? You must be nuts, so they changed venue to home base (chillis) and regrouped there. I met up with Jomark, since he was the first to arrive, at around 9-ish. I came from our company xmas party. I was required to go since it's the 20th year of our company. I didn't mine really going, I'm just amazed that my family had the company for 20 years already. And I'm assuming that they are going to pass the "burden" to me when I'm ready. But seriously, I don't think I can't accept the tourch that they will be passing to me. I feel that I'll screw everything up, like most of the time I do with my life. It's the biggest responsibility that they will be giving me and for one thing I know I ain't responsible. I guess it's the fear of responsibilty and the lack of my own skill to why I am reacting like this. Anyways, thats still quite far away, but it still makes me think....

Tomorrow will be another bum day. Nobody will be home, even the maids, because mom is bringing them to the farm for the christmas party. So I'll be holding the fort tomorrow (mainly, i have to let my dog use the bathroom). I asked Sheilla if she could get my grades for me tom and I'm glad she agreed. 4 more days to christmas and a day more before I leave for Thailand (yes, again...). I really don't feel the christmas spirit this year. It's like every year, the christmas spirit just outgrows me. I don't know if it's because of school and all the crap load of work I've been doing or I'm just to numb to feel it. And for some reason now, I'm starting to feel lonely. I think part of my loneliness is the fact that I don't have anyone to hold. I developed this craving for touch. I just want someone to hold and someone to hold me back. I guess it's the beer talking or I'm starting to be insane, but I really really want someone to hold on to now. Someone to talk to and to listen to me. But I guess, life's ain't perfect. As usual, I just have to suck it up and accept it. But it sucks ass though....

Oh yeah, a Poem I tried to thought of while in the gym (unusual place for inspiration eh?). It reflects on my loneliness and my craving for touch, so here goes...

I want to hold you, but I'm afraid that you'll not hold me back
I want to feel you, but I'm afraid you won't feel me
I'll say "I love you", but I'm afraid you will say "Sorry"
Things in life I want to do for you, I know you will reject
I cry a tear for you, but all you do is shrug it away....

Unofficial Start of my break

Since I'll be taking a test this afternoon, I'm not yet officially in my break yet, but as predicted, I kicked it off by playing DOD until 12:30am today. For Some reason, I felt compelled to write tonite (or this morning). It's because that me and Jed talked about women in the chat room. I told him that there should be a certain mix in them. She has to be smart and funny at the same time. And strangely enough, the girl I was describing to him was in the reflection of Audrey. I also thought about her today in the car while going home. I really do believe I've settled this issue with myself a long time ago. It's just nice to look back and remeber the people who I considered were really important to me in my life. And she's somewhere on top of my list of people to remeber......

Finally it's all over

Yes I survived my finals. Stat was a pain in the ass, so was accounting. Not to mention business law. But today I can finally relax, although I have one more test to go. Philippine Litereature in ENGLISH (ironic ey?), but it won't be as much as a problem as those 3 mentioned earlier. So what am I going to do right now? I guess burn my time in some serious gaming. To top it off, I'll first fire up the ps2 and get some Vice City goodness. Then we might be playing some mechwarrior or some DOD which ever is fine with me. Then i don't know, if there is still time (and brain cells active) I'll go for some vice city again! It's finally christmas!! All I want to do now is to be a bum, drink some beer and have a great time!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!

Hell starts NOW

So finals week has finally arrived. Tried studying at Starbucks near my place and it kinda is better than studying here at my room with all the distractions around (computer,ps2,tv,BED!). So why not try it in Starbucks? It helped alot, was able to put all the forumulas I need for accounting with ease and was able to get those law facts inside my head. But the real subject I'm worried about is statistics which is going to be on tuesday. Hope I do well on that stupid subject.

Nothing interesting has been really happening for the past few days. Although last firday, Queenie apologized to me about that whole mix up when I gave her the news. She said she was disappointed at first, but now she's ok. WTF? She's disappointed? And what do you think I felt when you just showed me your back while I was talking? Women... Never could understand em...

Pre-mature Friday the 13th

I just hate it when everything starts to disappoint me. Had a God-awful day today. Forgot my codes for my final quiz on programming class today. Was just too fucking ignorant to go over the codes one more time. Also, my stat quiz was just crap today. I hate it when everything goes wrong, I hate it when you are helpless to do anything about it. This day was just sucked too much, it doesn't even deserve to be blogged. But what the hell? I got nothing more interesting to talk about. Thursday just fucked me up big time...

Despite how horrible my day went, I just need to put this down also. I finally confronted Queenie about me being her thesismate. I just had too much issues with her and I don't think we will survive if I ride the same boat with her. So I just told her straight two days ago, "I don't want to be your thesismate". Pretty solid huh? But I thought that it would be better to let it out now rather than tell it to her the last minute. I also wanted to talk about on some of the issues I had with her, but she decided to go inside the classroom instead of lisetning to my rants. Thank you so god damned much for hearing me out...

The Sunday Driver

No I don't drive that slow if you are trying to imply that I am from todays title. But literally I became todays driver. James bring me there, bring me here. Good thing the places they were going here were just near here. I don't mind driving though, but if your mom is a big worry wart and your dad the dictator, let's see you survive a day inside a car with them.

Another weekend has gone by. Seemed long in the first place and now all good things must come on to an end. Time to face reality again and get my ass kicked in school. My finals are fast approaching and I might be busy for this weekend, or will I? Lol I dunno, I guess I'll have to pass on any gimmicks that the guys will ask me to go to. Almost every weekend I've been going out. I'll let my mom sleep easier this weekend and not have to bother with me because I'll just be staying at home.

Oh yeah one last thing. Some good news, well kinda. There's a possibility that we will not be going to Thiland this christmas because the flights are over booked. Hehe I know it's selfish to wish that we don't go, but what the hell?

Bum mode (on!)

Today went by quick. I woke up at 11 am, had some lunch, got in the shower, setted the ps2 up and watched pulp fiction. After watching, I had to rest my head a little bit so I chatted with Jed on our usual virtual hang out. Exchanged our thoughts on the movie and our favorite parts, then I fired up the ol' ps2 and played some Mortal Kombat action. Played till dinner time, ate and continued until around 8:30. IMO this is a well spent day. For some reason, didn't feel like going out and again I wanted to be alone. Craved for my personal space back and now I got it. Haven't figured out what to do for tomorrow, but most probably I'll try to hit the gym and watch some Reservoir Dogs. Tarantino fims wich were recommended by Jed and so far I loved pulp fiction. Wondered why I didn't see it before when it came out. He said that Reservoir Dogs was better and I'll find out if it is really tomorrow. That's basically my day, short and sweet, but nevertheless, Productive. I hope the upcoming week will also glide back easily to the weekend so I can bum like this again.

Drinking ALONE (omg)

Funny that I mentioned earlier that I wanted to get out of the house. Well, did get out of the house, met up with dave and nico. We had a good dinner and dave and nico were talking about drea. IMO nico's being to anxious, I think he wants to step up the relationship a little bit farther. It's going no where and he wants to do something about it. the helplessness is what most people hate. I know I do...

Then after an hour or so, we met up with doy and my soon to be cousin in-law (hehe), karen. They were going to watch a movie, but we first accompanied them to eat some dinner. After doing so, nico and dave went home and I stayed awhile and smoked. Then decided to get a bottle of beer (inspired from Jed's private parties!), sat down and think on whats ahead of me. Well, I soon dropped that and thought this was useless, but the beer tasted great as always. Got in my car and headed home. Seems a bit boring ey? But for some reason, I found this night interesting. I just don't know why I love being alone. Nothing to think about, nothing to worry about. It's just you and the world. I guess I'm so used to being alone I'm actually enjoying it? God I sound such a loner, but wtf?

Early Weekend!

Omg it's thursday and it's the start of our looooong weekend! The prez declared tomorrow as a holiday because of Ramadan. So I guess tomorrow will be one of the safest days in the Philippines hehe! Anyways, today went along pretty well. I kept on thinking that I still had to go to class tomrrow, then suddenly it just hits me this afternoon that tomrrow is a holiday. Quickly called up dave to ask him on what are his plans for tonite. Nothing definite yet, but I think I just want to hang out with him in some cafe or somehting.

About the future... I'm trying not to think about it too much, because I have lots to worry about in the present. But my plans have changed and I think I'll go work first for a couple of years then go back to getting my masteral degree. I consulted my programming prof and he suggested that I should get some work experience first, then study. Oh well, like always, nothing is definite. Just plan plan plan away and hope everything falls into place.

Well I dunno how to start my early weekend, but I'm craving to leave the house and just hang with my friends. Is it the stress? I don't think so. Just some weird drive that just switched on and I must humor it. That's that, more to come tomorrow I hope....

No "bumps" today

For some odd reason, my day went fine. Nothing to worry about, nothing to rush. It's just a plain ordinary day and I'm glad nothing went wrong. Anyways, I'm still kinda thinking a bout what will become of me after I grad. Been asking my friends to what they will do after they grad. Some said study and some said work. I think I made up my mind to study some more on programming. IMO, the shit they are feeding us at school is inadequate enough to get me a decent job in the IT field. Well enough about the future, let's talk about the present shall we? I think I mentioned this before but, finals will be hitting me in a couple of weeks or so. Kinda anxious on how to tackle all my subjects in one week. I've got really nothing instersting to write about now, like I said, today went so smooth that it made my day look flat. Oh and this just in, I just checked my status bar where I write my posts and it says that publishing is not available. I dunno when they plan to fix it, but I hope it's going to be soon.

Being Indipendent Alone

I'm here blogging at school right now. Trying to burn some time until 6pm. decided not to hang out with Sheilla and Pong this afternoon, because for some strange reason I wanted to be alone. I just felt the hunger for time alone. I guess for me to think, because I've been thinking about my future. Yeah it's starting to sound like a stupid essay that my prof would ask me to write, but seriously, I've been thinking a lot now on what to do with my life. I'm still figuring out wether I should still continue to study or just go on ahead and work after I graduate. Ok, lemme weigh them both out. I guess my degree that I'll be getting from this, sometimes, fucked up school, will get me somewhere. But will it take me far? And I'm planning to get a job abroad, something local would be also nice, but something compells me to go abroad and just try to be indipendent for once in my life (yet another issue that I will disucuss later).

Now the issue on studying some more. So wait I've been school almost all my life and I'm not sure I still have the energy to go on and learn. But I guess, for a masteral degree, it would take at the most 2 years more? I'm not sure about that, but I doubt it will be another 4 years. Hell, I'm not trying to become a doctor. But for sure, I will be getting my education in another country and not here. This will ensure me of laying a job in abroad if i choose to. So I guess, my best bet now will be studying some more. I heard this once from somebody, you never stop learning. I guess he is right, you never do stop learning until you stop living.

With all these things in my mind right now, the only thing I'm worried about is my grades. If I really do want to get to abroad, I must set higher goals for myself. But I don't see that happening any soon. All this thinking is just making me anxious uselessly, but is it really?

And now, why you ask the sudden urge to leave my home and try to start a new life for myself? I dunno, I guess part of it is because I've been through alot of shit, well not enough to drive me insanse, but enough to just want to wipe my record clean. For some reason, leaving the Philippines and moving into another country is leading me to believe that I can start a new life. Part of me also wants to break free from the security of my parents. Sure, I appriciate what they've done for me. I love the fact that they've literally given me everything, but I can't live like that forever. I must make something out of myself. I want to stop depending on someone. And for me, this will be the hardest lesson to learn. I have no clue where to start and I bet my first few months in another country won't make it any easier. But this is something I must learn, something I must know.

And for the last issue, where do I move? Well, I've been thinking about San Francisco, since my uncle just moved there a year ago and according to my mom, life is good there. But mom wants me to go to either Australia or New Zeland. She said that there is not much people there, so job openings will be everywhere. Hold on, did she say not much people? Well having a job is good, but living in a boring town isn't. If you would ask me, I think I'll be chosing some state in the U.S. but options are still open. I think I'll have to consult Stephanie for this since she was talking about on which states in the U.S. are good to live in.

Wow pretty long blog, I think it's the longest I've written. Too much damn issues on my mind, I just don't know what to do yet, but I hope the answers will come soon. And I hope I'll make the right decisions when the time comes.

Over "Worked"

The weekend has gone by and I again lost track of my days. Tomorrow will be a start of another week, it's such a pity that Stephanie had to fly back to London. When she was here for a week, we were going out and drinking almost every night (gasp thats right my mom let me go out on a school night!). Sadly, things have to be back to normal again, drinking will be restricted to the weekends only (felt my liver burn though this morning, so I guess this is good). My title of tourist guide has been taken off and it's back to being me now, although I already miss being myself. Bumming around, having random thoughts, the works... Oh yeah it was Daves birthday yesterday and oh boy he was so drunk it wasn't funny. Doy struck again and victimized him the 2nd time. I can't believe he couldn't tell where this was headed, as if he really wanted to get drunk. Maybe?? Who knows?? Ok this post is getting no where, my brain has been working all afternoon, trying to finish our stat project. Had to catch up on some work since it was my only contribution to the group. I was kinda embarassed that they did most of the work, but I really had a good excuse, I had to show my cousin around!! KUDOS to you steph!!

I'll try to write more sensible stuff tomorrow, tonite I have to rechare. Try to get my energy level back to normal. Finals will be hitting me soon and I hope I don't get slapped on the face like last term.

Still tired and it's already tuesday

It's already tuesday and I still feel so tired. I think I left my brain at that bar last saturday. I swear, I can't think straight. Luckily I was able to write some sort of answer in my quiz this afternoon. My energy level hasn't recovered and right now, I honestly don't know where this blog post will go. I don't know what to talk about now. Like I said, my brain is somewhere else. Maybe tomorrow will be better, so pardon my post for today. I don't wan't to hear any sermons fron you JED!

A chance to post before I leave

Today was really hectic. This morning I woke up at 8:30 and arrived at the gym around 9:30. Then had to go to Pasay to accompany my cousin from states, Stephanie, (who arrived yesterday btw) to go pick her friend up at the airport. After that we went to PowerPlant to have some lunch, they walked around a bit then we headed to manila polo club. Did some more shopping 'cause there was a bazaar over there. Good thing my cousin Doy came along, we got something to eat, had a few smokes and talked about how we should tackle this diet we are doing. After the girls went shopping, we went home to Doy's house. After a few minutes, I got up and headed back home to change. Now I'm waiting for my folks to come home because we are going to have a dinner at the Podium. And after dinner we are planning to go out to this bar in makati. As I said, I'm really tired today. It's a good thing I had the chance to go home and type my blog up. 2nd straight weekend where I have to show some people from out of the country around. I'm not complaining, but I'm starting to look like a damn tourist guide. But I'm having fun with my job! And soon, this tourist guide will be hanging his boots and glugging down some beer!!

It's this time of the week where I ponder about where my week went

Ok now I noticed that every thursday, I go and say I'm glad that it's thursday tomorrow is friday and it's the weekend. I'll probably get drunk yada yada yada... Lol a repeating cycle that I seem that I can't get out of. I guess school makes your week go by faster. I'll be complaining that there's school on monday then next thing I know BOOM! It's friday and I'll be drinking. Not that I'm complaining, it's just that I find it funny how I never notice where my week has been.

Today went by quite well. I was able to see ela today. Nothing too grand, we just said our hello's and went our ways. She then texts me around dinner time and told me she hasn't been picked up yet. We exchanged a few texts and after a couple replies she stops texting me back. Lol as usual, the girl who keeps me hanging up there to dry and then submerges back to her life. Also, I texted Elaine. Yeah a shocker for me too. But I figured, since I can't talk to her at least I could do is just text her good luck with this make up exam for our programming class. It's written, so it's quite a pain if you're going to take a test on programming and it's going to be written. Surprisingly, she texted back and told me how she did. I replied congratulations and that was that. And finally, this girl in our statistics class also spoke to me. Well not really spoke to me, but just said that our assignemt won't be due today, 'cause I was looking for someone to copy off from (hehe kinda lame but what the hell right?). Nothing too big, just wanted to mention it and IMO it was one of my interesting points of the day. To sum things up, today was good and I hope it gets better tomorrow.

Btw, my cousin from states should be arriving tonite! I guess I will be drinking this weekend!!

Been thinking of "her" again...

Ok ok to clear things up, the reason why I thought of Elaine again just tonite is because she was very pretty today. While in the car, I was chatting with my friend aicel. Told her about my frosh days with elaine when we were still talking with each other. Told her about that time during our recollection that she was chosen to recite something. And during her whole time of reciting, she was looking at me. Something interesting that I will most probably won't forget. Oh yeah, her citizenship or greencard or whatever for the states has been approved. So she will be moving there when she graduates. As I was saying to Aicel, in the chat room, I wouldn't know how to feel about this. If I felt sad about it, what would be the use of that? Wasted tears IMO. But, theres something that just draws me to her. A part of me can never let go her, there will always be room for her in my heart even though I have learned to move on. Somethings or some people are just not meant to be forgotten. I would love to forget all of this, but for some reason I just can't. I wish I could, but I just can't. Why do I always torture myself like this...

Long Overdue!

Sorry guys for the blog blackout. I guess Jed, Dave and Nic wasn't able to have the chance to look into my crazy life for the past few days. I've been bringin around my friend from Australia, Jose (who's name is surprisingly filipino for a white guy, because his dad is filipino, just do the math). I had to pay him back for he also showed me around his country when I was there. I'm glad he had a good time, since he kept on telling me that he had fun for the past few days. I have to thank my friends for that especially my cousin for helping me bring him to places which I've never been to (talk about being a wall-flower). With all the fun I had this weekend, sleep became a 2nd priority. I haven't had a good nights sleep since Saturday, so I'm looking foward tonite to make it all up.

So now I brought you up to speed, today was just again, ordinary. Nothing interesting to report, no sparks, no gimmicks, no nothing. I'm just confused about Ela. Last Saturday, while watching Harry Potter 2 (and yes it was a good movie), out of the blue she just texted me that she's interested in this new model of Nokia. Oh yeah and she started the text with "panget" hehe I tease girls with this words when I'm trying to say the opposite. I dunno really, IMO, when somebody calls somebody panget, I guess thats a sign of being close for some weird reason. Don't let me have to explain the unwritten law of relationships, but for some weird reason, it's one of those signs you get. I really try not to think about it, but from time to time, it just becomes a reoccurring thought. It just sticks to your mind, her being unpredictable is just driving me insane. Girls are always like that, they just leave you up there hanging, with no clue whatsoever to what they are goin to next. Bah! I should just find another girl to get in to, she is just really one of a kind (not to mention she lives in navotas). But there's this strange attraction I find in her, yet, if this continues, this attarction of mine will most probably fade away...

And before I end my post for today, I would just like to say that my school, has a really totaly fucked up system. But I'm just glad that they accepted my CAF for next term and considered me as part of the block. Falling in line for 10 hours is no joke and I'm glad I'm not part of that stupid joke.

Drained out

For some odd reason, I just feel so tired for the past few days. Tired both physically and mentally. I haven't been doing anything strenuos activities lately, asides from going to the gym, but that's suppose to help you get energized. Hmmm, maybe it's in my diet, since I completly taken out any forms of carbs like rice, bread, pasta and POTATOES(jed will not last a day w/o this). But, I really don't know, I wish that by next week my body will adapt and will be functioning normal again.

Anyways, like always, nothing really interesting has been happening lately. Ela doesnt seem to be interested with me anymore. I really don't know actually. Haven't been talking to her. I tried texting her but she never replied. So, nuts to that! I wouldn't want to dwell on that issue anymore. So, as I said, nothing to report. It's going to be friday tomorrow and the weekend is finally here! I wanna drink some beer and just hang out like usual...

Busy umm.... Killing?

Just aquired the ever so popular game called Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Very very violent game, I mean violent is just and understatement. Go walk around in this city thats supposed to resemble Miami. Theres a beach, it's sunny and there are lot of people that you can prey on. Beat, slice, shoot or just simply whap them with your baseball bat. You can also jack the cars and other criminal acts. I just love that game because you can escape into a world which has no rules (well the police chase you, but you can easily avoid that), no standards, no NORMS to follow. Had a bad day? Load up the game and beat the crap out of a pedestrian. I call it "therapy".

Anyways, back to things which are real. I just learned that I'm still part of the block. Thank god! Lining up and adjusting my schedule is just a pain in the ass. And speaking of scehdules, I saw my schedule for next term and it looks like its going to be better than this term. I only have one class at night and its only on monday. But the catch is, its 3 hours. Wooo here we go again. Just have to suck it up and think that it's only going to be for one day.

For some reason, I bumped into Ela twice today. The first time, she texted me and told me that she was in school already. Hours before her class, so I asked her if she wants to meet up. Then the 2nd time, I saw her coming out of the womens CR and we talked and she fixed her schedule. Pretty interesting day today, not to boring, not to lame. Just normal, the way it should be.

Oh yeah and one last thing, sorry for the late posts. Been playing alot of Vice City. hehe I just need my therapy

Mixing and Matching

My school system really sucks. I don't even know if next term I will be an irregular student or with the block. There's just too much damn technicalities that I don't want to get into, but bottom line, CSB has a crappy ASS system.

I've been thinking also, I'm just so tired with this courting business. I mean girls are really starting to give me a headache. Drains my energy away and you think it was worth it? Sometimes I like to think it is. I'm just tired with this BS that you have to be this extra ordinary guy so that this girl can notice you. Sure people say "just be yourself". BS, do you think thats enough? Well for my case it isn't. Whats so extra ordinary about me? NOTHING. God, I'm just so tired with this whole game. It sickens me that I always have to go through this cycle. I just wish some girl can just see right through me. To see the real me and not some guy who must be uber good 100% of the time. It's just so hard being that perfect all the time. Saying the right things at the right time, virtually impossible. Bah I don't know, kind of mixed up right now and my trail of thought is going no where. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I'm beginning to become envious with other peoples happiness in their relationships. Never did I once felt the love of another person or the warm touch of their hands clinching to mine. I just want to hold that person that I'm in love with and never let go. Unfortunately,it's always me giving the love, but never recieving it back. All the girls that I fell in love with gave me signs. SIGNS?! WTF man?! Jesus Christ, signs for a reaction. Oh well, this is not a perfect world and perfect is the farthest adjective that can describe my situation right now. As I said in my last post, I just feel this void in me. A longing for something, something great. Something that would change my life forever. I've been living this plain old boring life too long now and it's starting to become stale. I just hope I don't become too insane while looking for my so called "patch for my soul"...

Like The Ring?

Check out this story that my good friend Jed wrote. Scary stuff I tell you.

Waking up at 9:10

I missed my accounting class today, because like the title says, I woke up at 9:10 and my class was at 9:20. Go figure...

Today, I whored my phone so much that I had to change batteries with my friend. Used the chat program that I got yesterday and my hand was burning because of the heat from the battery (those things can leave your hand numb). As usual, nothing really interesting happend today. Tomorrow will be thursday, then comes friday. Wow what a quick week. And to think that, nothing cool has been happening.

Hmm lemme try to pour some things from my itty bitty brain of mine. Well, I really don't have any issues to rant about right now. As I said, life ain't that interesting anymore. This whole Ela thing has passed over. As well as that Elaine bit. Haven't been thinking about those things really. But I sometimes feel that there's really something missing in my life. Hmmm, maybe I need to accomplish something? Or maybe I just need somebody. A certain somebody who would hold me whenever I feel alone or who will be my ear whenever I want to rant about life (whenever I'm off line). I don't really what I want right now. All I know is, I'm missing something inside me. I just dont feel as whole as I used to be. Sure I got my health, my friends, my folks and those things which are important to me. But I need to fill this "void" in my soul. I guess I have to try to look harder and hope that I can grasp when the oppurtunity arises.

You study to pass... Right?

What a lousy test I took today. I studied for hours and hours and I feel like that I'll end up failing the test which I took this afternoon. Anyways, today wasn't all that bad. Was able to get some programs for my phone. Now I can surf and chat while I'm away from the computer. It's cool if you really think about how technology advances so quickly. What will they think of next...

Back to normal

My 4 day vacation is over and now it's back to school. Yesterday, Ela didn't show up in accounting class and I think she wouldn't be attending in the future also. I offered to expalin to the teacher about her situation. I got an 82 for my midterm grade, which was totally unexpected, but nevertheless glad that I passed. The other profs didn't give out the grades yet. Bet they were lazy during the break like I was. Who could blame them?

Today I still have one more test believe it or not. Statistics and it sucks like hell!! I studied yesterday during my break and now I'll be studying some more in awhile. Just thought that I'd get this blog out of the way first. Like always, nothing interesting has really been happening. Just trying to get on with my life, not thinking too much about Ela because I know things will never work out between us. So that's that, wish me luck for my test today...

Spirit Mage... WTF?






find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
<º>

Flat Day

Been sitting on my ass for the past hmmm past 3 hours or so. Been playing this game called Natural selection. Another great HL mod and something to get addicted on. Wasn't able to post yesterday since I was out the whole day. At the morning I went to the south to go visit the dead (heheh sounds creepy). Then we went to our farm in cabuyao and stayed there till late afternoon. Night time I was even able to play some badminton. Today I was supposed to go meet up with Nic, but my mom forgot to tell me that I don't have a car to use today, so POS to that. I decided to stay home instead and go play Natural Selection with the guys. And besides, I'm still tired from yesterday. So basically it's a veeeeery slow day today. Not really slow, I actually lost track of time and now I look at the clock in my task bar and it says that it's already dinner time. Wooo, what a way to spend my day, I miss this kind of slacking off.

Oh yeah btw I almost forgot to mention this. Ela and her no good bf broke up. She discovered that he was seeing someone else. Fucking player, that asshole doesn't deserve her. Man, to think that she was thinking of getting back with him. She kept on consulting me, but I told her, don't do it. Its his loss and never was yours. I hope she listens to me, I swear that bf of hers should burn in hell. Frellin retard....

Messed up post

Ok that was one messed up post, must have typed in the wrong html code or something. Anyways I'm just too screwed up to type anything up tonite. Maybe tomorrow instead.

Back from being a retard

Got back from the house of

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

HWO (FIRE!)

Which Element Represents You?
created by kefkafanatic @ mental insanity

Where did my brain go?

Today got me really tired for some reason. I guess part of it was because of the constant bombardment of midterms for the past few days. I couldn't really focus on anything too long right now. And I'm worried that I won't be seeing too much of Ela anymore. BTW, I'm over the issue that she has someone else, I just like her to be there for good company. Shes really nice and funny and I'm going to miss her alot if she doesn't attend accounting class anymore. Tomorrow will be my last day for midterms, accounting and logic. I hope I do well. Oh and tomorrow, I'll be sleeping over at daves house. Going to do a horror movie marathon since it's halloween on thursday. Going to drink alot and act like a fool again to relieve the stress on me. Oh yeah it's also a 4 day weekend so w007 to that....

Life is getting better... (yeah right)

Pos, Just got home an hour ago. That damn business law test took my will to live away. I swear it's so damn long my fingers almost came off. Now, I have to study for my statistics quiz tomorrow, but I'm really feeling lazy. But that's not the real reason for my ranting. The real reason is that, I just found out the ELA failed accofi1 which is a pre-requisite for accofi2 the subject we are taking now. Man, I'm going to try to help her fix this mess. I just can't bare to think that I won't be seeing her anymore, but it's so weird that I feel more troubled than I'm should be. bah! Today is really messy and my thoughts aren't exactly collected. I hope I can try to fix this mess of hers....

Let the dust settle

So it's sunday today, tomorrow I will have my midterms in business law. Going to be studying alot today. Maybe I'll start this afternoon. The brain doesn't want to cooperate in the morning. Got to feed it with some games to warm it up. I hope I do well tomorrow. Man, it's days like these that you hate being a student. I got so much to worry about. STAT, ACCOUNTING, BUSINESS LAW... All of them POS!! Like I said, I hope I do well...

Last night was really interesting. I was able to meet nicole, the face behind Fast to White. We had a few drinks (well she did, I think I had about 5). And I hope next time we go out together we will be drinking more! (I'm buying nic, so dont worry). So my weekend was great, was able to do stuff that I wanted. For this week, I have to endure 3 days of hell then on thrsday I'm free again. Well actually wednsday night we are planning to do something at Dave's. Going to have a horror movie marathon I think, but not too sure on that one yet.

A quick word before I forget...

In a few minutes I'll be leaving for chillis. Going to meet some of the guys (and girls) and have a few drinks. Hmmm nothing interesting happend today, well if you must know, this morning going to the gym, I almost slammed into pajeros which were escourting this VIP. POS!! Didn't see them coming from my rear!! Good thing I hit the breaks while I had the chance. So that was my brush with death and as I said, nothing really interesting happend today.

Some "light" to my day

Hmm... Nothing much to rant about today. Actually, today wasn't so bad really. We had our midterm exam for Filipino Lit and I just copied the whole test from my l337 blockcmate, Kim. I bought her some smokes and we talked a little. As I said, today wasn't so bad. Very relaxed not too stressful like yesterday. Next week I will be hitting the books because the real midterm exams are coming. Got to prepare for that, but for now, I just want to relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax.....

When everything seems to go wrong...

Today seems to be one of those fucked up days. You know, those days where you know everything is falling apart and you don't know what to do anymore. I swear to God, why do I even try? In the long run it just screws me over. If I know a girl has a BF, FUCKING BACK AWAY!! Leave while you are still unattached! Get that through your thick skull next time!! What am I ranting about you ask?? To cut the long story short, I got a text from ela tonite and she told me that after opening up to me about her bf problems, the dude just coincidentally called her up after I place down the phone. So she told everything the stuff she told me to him and boom they are back again. Back to being 2nd best again. Bah, I'm so used to it that I know exactly the BS that I tell myself to feel better. I'm just fucking tired with this nonsense.

MOBILE ENGRISH!!!!!


"It's tasty and refreshing. Always make you feel fresh and cool!! (Supermarket of the PowerPlant mall)


W007 I'm putting a new segment for my blog. It's called MOBILE ENGRISH. I take photos of engrish products with my phone and will upload em up here in the net. To know more about ENGRISH, go click on the link

No Good

Dumb stat quiz, frellin gave me a headache crunching all those numbers. POS!! It's just hell! So screw that!!!

Anyways, glad that it's a thursday today. Friday won't be that hectic (I hope). Next week will be my midterms, have to study alot on sunday since my first test on monday is business law. So much stuff to memorize, so little time. Nothing significant really happend today. Went to school, did some coding and answered that stupid test of mine. Oh yeah before I forget, check out the blog of my buddy Dave. He decided to put up one too. But the stuff he writes is full of HAPPY HAPPY FUN FUN moments!! heh not as angst filled as mine. So guess who has a better life?

On a final note: Elaine is starting to talk to me again, well just small talk, but that's still something.

Don't you hate that FUBAR feeling?

Ugh the test this morning sucked! Wasn't really able to answer it decently. Ela was late coming into class too today, so she wasn't really able to answer the test as well. So for cosolation, I won't be the only one failing. Tomorrow I'll be having two quizzes. One for programming class and the other for statistics. POS I have to PASS my stat quiz tomorrow! I failed the last two tests, this is my time to MAKE IT UP!! Damn, I hope I really do well tomorrow. School just sucks BALLS right now.

I was supposed to do something important, but...

Tonite I was supposed to study for my quiz in accounting. And speaking about accounting, I was able to call ela this afternoon. Asked her if she could help me study for the quiz today (which we didnt but ended up talking about other stuff). I was going to study on my own also after our conversation, but I was too ecstatic and wasn't able to concentrate really well. Not a damn word has gotten into this stupid brain of mine. Let's just see what happends tomorrow.

I really don't know where to put my finger on Ela. On the phone, she talks about her bf about being this immature child. To sum it all up she thinks his POS, but they are still together, so I really can't do anything about it. But just thinking about seeing her tomorrow makes me all fuzzy inside. *Sigh* here we bloody go again...

It's 1am and I haven't brushed my teeth

Wtf am I doing up at this hour?? Well, I just finished talking to Queenie who kept on bugging me to go to school earlier to help her out with her visual basic homework. I just finished mine btw, but there are still a few bugs to work out. I need to check this code in a program which I left in school. POS! What a day!! I just feel so tired! I need some decent sleep tonite and I'm glad that I have to meet her at 12. So got to hit the sack and maybe I'll be posting something before I go to school.

WTF?! It's already MONDAY?!?!

OMG where did my weekend go?? It's already monday!! Haha it feels like that I lost my weekend. Guess I kept myself really busy doing stupid things to burn time. Man they should extend the weekends into four days instead of two. It's just not enough. Oh well, it's monday again. Going to stay at school till 9pm POS, but will be continuing my book. It's really good book, keeps me company during break times and gives me a chance to exercise my imagination (not that I don't have any). I'll be playing some diablo 2 with my mates. Going to stay up till midnight I guess or even later. Hope tomorrow will be a good one!!

Friday FRENZY

AHhhhhhhhhhh! Just got out from a veeery warm shower. I had a good game of badminton with my uncle tonite!! PHEW!! You should see how much I had to sweat! My whole t-shirt, drenched with sweat!! Damn if I don't lose weight at this rate, I dunno what else to do. Going to hit the sack in a few minutes, my whole body can't take the abuse that I introduced. Tomorrow will be another hectic day. We will be going to the pos theme park Enchanted Kingdom then go to ATC at night time. My mom is going psycho again because of all these bomb threats, she told me to stay away crowded places. Now how the hell should I do that, with a population of 5M or more, where can I find such a place besides the my house? Anyways, hope tomorrow will be fun.

Brace for my INTELLIGENCE!

While sitting down through traffic going to school awhile ago, I contemplated on why does pain exist. I mean pain in general. If there wasn't pain, there would be nothing to inspire the artists. Although there are other forms for inspiration, in my opinion, pain is the best. It drives you to certain lengths just to express it. Unlike happiness, it becomes to linear. Also, without pain, scientists won't be able to find cures for diseases. No aspirins, prozac and Viagra!! I think pain is necessary in the world for us to exist. Nothing will move us more than pain itself. Would you rather live in a psuedo lifestyle where everything is perfect and pretty? You save that for heaven, but until you are still living and breathing on this earth, you must face reality. Part of living is to overcome pain. Sometimes overwhelming, sometimes daunting, it's part of lifem it's what makes us human.

Quick Week

This week was really a quick one. It's already friday tomorrow and I feel that my week hasn't started yet. I guess this whole Ela nonsense is making me lose track of time. Speaking of Ela, been thinking about some other things to avoid remebering her. Strangely, Audrey poped up in my mind. Right now I'm just sitting down here and hanging out in the chat room with my friends and as usual we talk about nothing.

Its Official... I'm DENIED again

Its offcial folks, your man INQUE has been DENIED again. A screw up, failure and now a DENIED magnet. It just sucks to be me right now, well all the time I mean. It's time for some more "rehabilitation" and try to recover from this awful awful phase of my life. Hope I can just pull it off again. Oh yeah, Elaine looked really pretty today... POS what a DAY!

Something to vent before going to bed

Ok just want to write up a few things before I go to bed. My level of self esteem is really low right now. It's like I lost my self confidence and I keep on thinkin that I'll bound to screw something up badly. And there's Ela, she is really my new "drug" right now. But I got to fight it. Jesus Christ, it's like one of those Elaine problems again, except you take the INE out and basically its the same thing. Ironic isn't it??

Denied Day

I just got home from school and I really feel that today was a waste of my time. Was supposed to play some basketball at dasmarinas village, but the court was going to be used from this hot shot PBA team. The quiz I took today in statistics was supposed to be easy, but I have a bad feeling that I'll fail it again. What a POS day, the only thing good happend today was Ela replying to my text about the assignment. Speaking about her, just thinking about her made me feel bad. I just wished that we could have met under different circumstances. In other words, I just wished she was single. Is that so hard to ask for? To look for a girl as pretty and as nice as her to be single? Oh well here we go again DENIED all over again...

"I could tell from the minute I woke up It was going to be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day."



Phantom Planet - Lonely Day

I'm BACK! (so I think I am)

Welllll I'm back here again, typing up some more useless shat to occupy the net. What happend for the past few month? Basically, I was just too lazy to write and I had to do my thesis last term so I had my hands tied to my back. Now that it's a new term (mid terms are already next week though), I'm given a lighter load but a hell of schedule. Every Mondays and wedsndays I get dismissed at 9pm, but wait, there's more to my happy happy fun fun schedule! I get 2 big ass breaks in between. One is from 10:30-2:30, during that time I hit the gym and go to my old house in pasay. Yes, I'm trying to work out again and this time it's going to be permanent!!!!! Then from 3:30-6:00pm, I usually spend my time in the library, studying some lessons and reading my book which is entitled "She's come undone". I'll talk about the story some other time, kinda getting lazy already and my mind is slipping away after every minute. Oh yeah and a quick update on my "Elaine issues". I think I wore my self out thinking about her too much! Just like food, once you had enough, you just want to stop feeding the crap in your mouth and move on to desserts. I also think part of the reason why I'm moving on is that I met this girl in my accounting class. I texted dave and told him that she's my new "drug" now. But unfortuantely, she has a boyfriend, but (damn the buts never end), they aren't in good terms right now. Fuck it, what ever happens, happens. Just let the ball roll and see where it stops. Damn it why do these things always happend to me. When it comes to relationships, I am forever JINXED!!!!

Oh yeah one more thing, check out the blog of my friend. Her name is Nicole and I'm pretty sure her stuff is more interesting than mine. So READ on!!!

Back to Reality

I'm right here back in school, obviously classes resumed again today. It's programming class today, but the prof. just said that to finish the activity that we did last week. Fortunate for me, I'm already done and now I'm trying to burn up some free time. Yesterday it was Queenie's birthday and some of her friends went to her house to surprice her and now I kinda feel bad I wasn't there to greet her. I guess for one thing the weather was bad and another is I don't have any car to go there. But on saturday, shes throwing a party and I'm really not sure if my mom would let me go since her house is terribly far away from mine. Let's just see what happends, I'm not really thinking about that now, but I don't know, why am I not too concerned about this? It's like I don't care anymore that my bestfriend just turned 19 and she wants to celebrate. I guess, part of it would be that, everytime I went out with my friends from school, most of the time it turned sour or something unexcpeted just happends. Oh well, like I said, let's just see what happends...

Oh yeah, on a final note, I took of the bracelet Elaine made for me. Figured that if I really want to forget about her I must seperate my self from her both metally and physically (that's where the bracelet comes in and not to avoid her). I hope from now, things be better now....

Noah's Arc II

It's been raining since last week and it hasn't stop. We didn't have classes today because it kept on raining the other night but tonite it kinda died down, but the weather man said that it might rain some more tomorrow. And just now, my mom told me we don't have classes again tomorrow. I really do hope the power wont go out again as frequent as today. Well, back to bumming around again, nothing really import has been happening. Oh yeah David has a new girl hehe let see what happends with them.

Woah it's really been awhile

Say it's almost a month since I wrote anything up here again. And I go yelling like a fool "this site isn't dead", well it almost died again lol. Anyways, just to update, this whole Elaine thing is out of my head now for quite sometime. It's like I'm partially giving up on her. Hell, what's the use anyhow? Well now, I've been being more aggressive towards meeting other girls. I'm just tired of waiting around for the right one. I just want to do something about it and find her for myself. But it seems it really doesn't work that way. Patience is a virtue like some people say. But damn, I so freaking tired of missing out on every chance I get. Well that's life and it isn't been grand for me. And right now, school sucks big time. I'm not doing well as I used to (like i ever did). My grades are just uber low and stuff. I don't know whats wrong with me. I lack focus right now and I don't know how to get it back. Sigh, my life is really in shambles right now and I don't know how to pick up all the pieces...

Though this site died down?? Think again!

Hello boys and girls, I'm BACK!!!! Actually, I was back like a month ago, but I was too lazy to post anything up here until now. Since I've got really nothing else better to do (what's new?) I decided to write some stuff. Nothing new so far, been going out alot though. Finally life outside this BOX of mine!! Hmmmm what else is there to talk about?? Tomorrow night I'll be going out again since the wednsday is INDEPENDENCE day!! So a Holiday again for me!! Oh yeah, Australia was really good by the way. Got to meet some people while I was there and they were really nice. Their accent is really not that hard to understand, after a couple of days you will get a hang of it. Well there, its getting kinda late so the brain is not really functioning well. It's good to be back again!

Checking Out

Today I'll be leaving for Austrailia, it's such a drag that I have to go to the old house to hang around there then go to the airport. Damn it, I still say it's boring over there and I wish that someone could pick me over here at the house. Well anyways, just suck it up since today is our departure. I hope nothing goes wrong and I also hope the trip will be a blast. I'll be back at the 19th and I might upload some pictures from the trip!

POS night part deux

Ahhh another night wasted (almost). Again, I fell victim of being the resident driver of the group, which I'm really starting to get sick of actually. Don't know really why I put up with this. Anyways the night wasn't really a waste. I guess it wasn't really my night tonite. Queenie and her guy were together, but I'm not really affected by it anymore (I think it was a phase thing) But what really bothered me the most that Elaine was with her boyfriend. Ugh, I should really get over her. Even I'm already sick of hearing my self rant about her. Anyways, it's wednsday today, what's ahead of my agenda for today? Sleep I guess and hmmm slack off as usual! BTW 2 more days before austrailia!!

Lost (Like Always)

Queenie has this new guy again. But this time it's different. I think this guy is the one for her, but for some strage reason, I fell really bad inside. It's like that I can't take the fact that she is going to have a boyfriend, someone to commit to and stuff like that. I SHOULD be happy for her, but take the sugar coating away, it hurts inside. Yesterday and today, she asked me if she could have a boyfriend. Oh God, I really wanted to say NO, but I couldn't. I just gave her some words of encouragement. But she told me that she is afraid of taking this step, I replied by telling her that life is all about risks. We can not move on if we don't take risks (Thank you for this line JEDI master DAVE) and bla bla bla. So now I'm going insane thinking that Queenie might be the one who I am looking for? I don't want to loose her like how I lost elaine. But the argument to this is that, she really considers me as a friend, her best friend in fact and the feeling is mutual. I guess I'm really to attatched to her, so I guess I can't call this love or maybe just love for a friend. I tell you, life is full of mysteries which are often left unsolved. And this is one of the mysteries that will drive me up the wall. Right now, I'm just drowning my self with all these questions. I really don't know what to do.....

Fresh Start

I just formated my computer a couple of days ago. Thought it would slove my volume slider problem (long story). Anyways the past couple of days were really slow. Nothing really left to do around here, than to stare at my monitor and I guess play alot of games. Mom told me that we might be leaving for australia on May 1. Hmmm how will Austrailia be? Again, I'll be the only person who is as young as me. Going to be boring? I'll be considering it, but I hope it's not. Nothing really to report in my end, as always, Elaine occasionally pops up in my head, but I try to forget her. And oh yeah, my dryer jus blew, good thing my hand is still in one piece.

Summer Sensation (numb)

Finally school's out and now I can slack off! Been slacking off for the past few days (whats new though). My mom is still not back from Hong Kong, because my A-ma had an operation over there. She had a nasty spill and they had to operate. Tomorrow I get my grades! I hope that I pass my accounting test, because the finals was too damn hard! I really hope I get to pass it! Nothing really to report so far, my life is moving like molases, but like anything exciting ever happend...

Woo Happy Birthday to me? But whats so happy about it?

Today I turn 20... So? Why do people fuss about birthdays anyways? Every year its just the same... Something is bound to screw up or go wrong. Well anywyas. I'm 20, I better start acting my age now

MOVED at LAST!!

Ugh this is the last time I'm moving this blog! Damn GEOCITIES are asking for cash to use their FTP services and alike. Sigh, I hope this time bravenet my new host will not screw up like geocities. Also, sorry for not really keeping this blog alive. Partly because I was lazy and didn't have any mojo to write with and the other reason is that I was busy. YES busy! With what you ask? Well with *gasp* school work! Damn school won't let us be free for the summer vacation so they are keeping us until the 15th! This will be the first time that I'll be having class on my birthday, sigh, it sucks to be me! Speaking of birthdays, it's Pam's birthday tomorrow. *hehe* kept on bugging me to give her a gift. Guess I'm totaly screwed, didn't have the time to pick a gift for her so hmmm greetings and a kiss would do for now!

testing?

Hell Starts again TODAY

Have to go to school again for at least two more weeks then off I go, but DAMN got lot of things to finish, things to do bla bla bla... No more slacking off, once again I'll have to flip the switch to CRUCH TIME MODE!!! See ya in a coulpe of years or so.

Used?

I just came back from bringing Queenie and Pam home. *UGH* Why do they live so far away from me?? FYI, they came here btw because the needed help with their computer project. I just feel so used all the time. I mean, I really don't expect any reward from them, it's just that I'm just tired from following their "orders". But then again, Queenie is my best friend, but sometimes she just goes too far... Man, I'm just so confused right now, Don't know what to do. As always, I hope the answers come to me soon......

Nothing to report really

As expected, even though my folks are gone, I still have a boring life. Nothing cool as really been happening. It's just the same routine day in day out. ARGH!! I should at least do something before they come back and not waste this chance, but DAMN it, I can't of anything to do and who to invite to go out with. Queenie would be the best candidate, but damn! After that saturday night, I'm thinking twice again if I want to go that far out again. Well worse comes to worse, I think I'll ask her out or something. Anyways this really sucks! Maaaaaaaaaaaan my uncle just told me awhile ago that I should socialize some more. That made me feel bad and started to realize I should really do. But don't get me wrong, I do socialize but I really dont like going out at night that much. Maybe I'm just so used to not going out because of my damn curfew and the places that my freinds go are really not my cup of tea. Ahh FRELL it, I don't care this is my life and I choose how to live it.

Freedom?

So guess what? My folks left for abroad and they left me all alone back at home. Been doing alot of "work" with my ps2 *hehe* In fact, just finished my Metal Gear session 30 mins ago. I'm now recovering on how that game ROCKS!! Well got really nothing to say right now. This week was quite crazy. Lot of crazy things happend to some people I know... Well anyways its 1:30 am have to wake up at around 10 to go out...

School Sucks

Ok ok, I know I shouldn't be ranting like this like a little child, but honestly, I'm so freakin tired of my routine. It's just every week I do the same thing over and over again!! It's just driving me up the wall now!! I need some more excitement, some spice or just SOMETHING!! In an hour or so, I'll be getting ready for accounting class and *sigh* here we go again. Hmm it's kinda weird, it's just not me feeling this kind of boredom, I reconfirmed with Pong and Pam and they said the exact words. I really don't know whats happening here *lol* another plague maybe?? All I know is, I'm just tired of my rinse, wash, repeat lifestyle.... Any suggestions?

My not so perfect weekend

After how many months of staying home on a saturday night, I finally was able to go out with Queenie and my other freinds. Let's just say I really didn't enjoy my self, there are just a lot of reasons to why last night wasn't a blast, but let's just leave that out shall we? Generally, I was bored. Nothing really exciting happend last night, just a normal night out with the people who I see everyday *lol*. I guess thats why I wasn't so thirlled about last night. I think I'd rather go out with Sheilla and the others, they are more, hmmm lively I guess, but I'm not saying that yesterday's group was boring, It was just too quiet for me. Also, I hated the music hahaha so I guess that ruined my night!

My not so perfect day

Thought today would be a really fine day (finally), because Elaine's boyfreind got sick today. This all started when I was doing an activity inside the Computer Lab in our school, then suddenly somebody tapped me on the shoulder. What do you know, it was Elaine and that no good sob wasn't with her. I thought he must be late or something, then she told me that she was waiting over an hour for him (aww poor her). And more surprises come, Sheilla and Pong come inside the same computer lab and told Elaine that her boyfreind was sick (via cell phone). *Ping* It hits me that I rarely get this kind of luck and I really expected my day will be perfect, but unfortunately, I really didn't get to talk to her too much. She was kinda like avioding me, but not in a obvious manner. I understand her actions, I mean who wouldn't with the history that we had. So the lesson learned here is, never expect too much out of your day, because you can crash bad! Although I still enjoy these unexpected surpises, it's times like these that makes you feel good that you're alive...

BTW, don't you just hate it when the prof says: Elaine CHUA instead of Chan?

A few words before setting off

I'm about to go to school right now, going to be seeing alot of Elaine today *sigh* and I really do hope pam is feeling better... Hope I have a nice one today!

Sabaw!! (soup)

Well things haven't been really all that sweet and colorful. Ugh I can't believe Elaine keeps coming back in my head (but what's new ey?) Oh well at least it ain't as bad as before. As I said, nothing really has been stirring up my world. Same old boring life. Still no direction, still no life and most of all still no Elaine. Sigh, life sucks sometimes when you get to know it.

Also, Pam is really feeling down and really shitty. Man if you hear the things that she gone through today, you wont wonder why. I hope things turn out for the best of her, because she is really becoming desperate. I'm also trying to help her out in some ways. I don't know whether or not if she is going to the movies with me as I'd promised her so that she'd cheer up a bit... Anyways, either way, I'm glad that we are talking again....

Moving again

Damn geocities just told me that I won't be having access to their ftp manager after April. Well I stil can store files but it won't be publishing. UGH thanks alot!!! I just moved a couple of months ago, now I have to do it again... That's why I haven't been posting anything for the past couple of days. I'm looking for a good and free webhost. I signed up for Bravenet, but they still havent given me the green light yet.... UGHHH If anyone knows a good webhost please email me or post something in the comment box! Thanks!!

Weekend DAY 3

Ahhhh it's the final stretch of my cool weekend. Was able to things I wanted to do, basically just lie around and play with my games all day long *hehe*. School starts again tomorrow ugh gotta face work, traffic and BS again. I'm spending my final hours of today by just kicking back. Really got nothing to do that much right now. Although, I gotta study for my accounting midterms for this wednsday. The prof said it will be a 70 items test UGH gross!! I just hate accounting! Hope I'll pass the midterms this time!

Also, was able to chat with Karen again today. It was really cool that I was able to talk to her again and stuff. And speaking of freinds, I finally got hold of queenie, but unfortunately she was doing stuff for her former guy*. But at least, I was able to talk to her quite abit. Well that's going to be it now. Going to try to figure things out on what I have to do tomorrow, but I guess it will be nothing really. Ohh boy back to reality and I hope its going to be fun!!!

*see archives at around december-january

Weekend DAY 2

Phew! Just finished a game of C&C:Renegade! A first persion shooter version of the popular strategy game, Command and Conquer. I can't describe how great this game is! Team work is an absolute MUST in this game! Nobody can go in solo and win the game. Cooperation is the key word and we just pulled it off with my squad (DEMO). I miss playing games until the wee hours of the morning, this is my first time to be playing this late since the last term. It's realllllllllllllllllllly tiring, I'm going to bed in a bit...

Today btw, we watched the movie as I mentioned and it was so-so. Didn't like it too much, but it didn't bore me. Mannn it's getting late, I think I'll post again tomorrow and I bet I'll be staying around the house the whole day!

Weekend DAY 1

Time flies by really quickly, can't believe its already 8pm ughhh. The guys came over and we just played alot of ps2 (that 2nd hand piece of crap). That dumb boot disk doesnt work 100% damn damn damn. And tomorrow will be another day. My mom said that we will be catching Collateral Damage the movie by arnie. I hope it will be good. IMO Arnie is just one over sized muscle head. Well I don't know, holywood can surpise you in different ways!

Hmmm I'll be also trying to get a report from Queenie on what had happend to her fashion show. Tried to call her up just know, but she is talking to someone else (like she doesn't run out of people to talk to). Sometimes it's just disappointing when I want to talk to her on the phone, I have to wait in line like I'm queuing for a ride in a theme park. I tell you, it's exactly like a rollercoaster ride, you que for so long then you step in, get thriled for 5 mins and the ride is over. Once I get to talk to her BAM! She hits the call waiting button and tells me that she has someone else to talk to... ugh! And in school I could barely talk to her straight, because she keeps on hanging out with her other girl friends. So what am I suppose to do? That's why I guess I wont be joining her in a retreat session that our religon teacher is planning. It's because it will be the same at school, I won't be really having anyone to talk to, well as in real talk not just idle chatter. *hehe* Guess she is wanted by lots of people and I just have to cope with that.....

Ahh Finally the weekend!

It seems that I've been waiting for a decade for the weekend to come. I've been bored and stuff and I think I'll be playing alot of games like I use to do *hehe*. Jed and Dave are coming over hope that will be a blast. I'm at school right now and strangely, I've been posting logs here for the past 3 days? Weird, I used to hate posting here at school but it became a habbit *hehe* Anyways, enough of this senseless ranting.....

Btw guess whats going to happend tonite at school! My very own Queenie will be modeling tonite!! W007!! She's been chosen (or lets just say forced) to model for her friend that is taking up fashion design. *hehe* Of course she doens't want to do it, but I bet she will be a good model! She has the height and the body for it!! Hope she doesn't trip or anything tonite! And I bet she's going to blow everybody away!!

So once again WELCOME WEEKEND save me from the insanity!!

Stil some more boring posts

Arghh! It's just frustrating that nothing really exciting happends. I'm just bored out of my wits and keep on posting these boring logs. Well anyways, the weekend is fast approaching and it will be a long one since on monday there will be no classes *w007* more time with the ps2 LOL. Maybe Jed can come over to play that scary ass game agian!!

Hmmm life is pretty lame right now. I think I'll be talking more on my ps2 games than my life, since they make my world (words from a loser). Oh yeah speaking of ps2 games, I was scared out of my pants when I played Metal Gear Solid 2. I guess you would know that sound when you get discovered in the game. That loud sieren like sound. Argh!! Since I hooked my ps2 to my AV receiver, it kicks up the sould quality alot resulting to making the sounds very distinguishable. Anyways, I'm just a big frady cat and I lead a boring life!

Linear Week

Sigh... Everyday is always just the same. I need some excitement, variation or just something to look forward to this week. Although, Jed and Dave are coming over to the house. They are going to crash over and at the morning we are trying to make an instrumental song for my grop work in LIT class. And the rest of the day Jed will try to finish the horrible horrible game called Silent Hill 2. I borrowed the game from Franco 3 days ago, but since then, I never got the disk out from the box. I'll never dare to play the scary game *lol*. Well I hope I'll some fun for this week since midterms are just about to be done so I think I'll be going back to becoming a bum...

Ps2 with a Twist of Irony

Sorry for this late post, I've been "busy" or just lazy to write up a post. Crazy things have been happening lately, I've already bought my new ps2 but *damn* I'm just a failure when it comes to consoles. The ps2 is fine and all, it plays the games I wanted to, but the disk to load the fake game is just a copy, thus making it to boot up harder. I know this is complicated to understand, but let me just say, here in the Philippines Pirates rule!! *hehe*. So I asked for a replacement disk for the "boot disk" amd the shop told me to call them up on thursday. Also, if I wanted the original boot disk I have to pay extra for it. DAMN THEM MAN!!! Screw that shop!! After getting the original disk from them I'll never buy anything from them. It kinda bugged me for the past few days, but now I'm kinda over it. Oh btw, colin my dearest fan hahaha I got those games you mentioned as in all of them!!! Jed and dave is coming over this weekend, why dont you come over din!!

Valentines Wha?

It seems that the day I was ranting about turned out surprisingly ok. *hahaha* Never did once I feel that love-BS I was anticipating. Well good thing it never did happend! Today was really another crazy day. I really don't want to get into too much deatails because it was more on the ugly side. Queenie again told me she has troubles with some her friends. The usual, you know.... Can't believe also tomorrow is friday! Another week has gone by without me knowing about it. Midterms will also be hitting us next week so I guess I'll be out for a few days? But I doubt that *hehe*. I have to "study" well seriously I have to for two subjects which are full of technical terms.

Oh yeah I might also be buying my ps2 tomorrow, if mom gets the money from dad. Hmmm I'm really quite unsure yet whether to buy again or not. Just too much issues floating around my head. Hmmm gotta think straight this time. I hope I'll make the right choice

For this Valentines "BS" day log, I'll leave you with a quote from one of the greatest movies I've seen so far (Vanilla Sky)

"The sweet ain't as sweet without the sour"

Screw Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be that dreaded day called valentines. Who the hell made up that day anyway? It just sucks ass!! Btw, I also read my poem, which I wrote yesterday, to Queenie. After reading it to her she was impressed, then I asked her to who do you think I wrote this for? She immdiately replied "Elaine". I said nope, its not for her, guess again! Then she told me that she was really tired and didn't want to guess. So eventually I told her straight that it was for her. She was touched and all and thank me.
I guess the reason for not writting for Elaine is because, I'm really tired from this crap. She knows I had feelings for her so whats the use showing them now when she loves someone else. At first it was kinda fun, but now it's getting boring for both me and her. So I decided to write about to the person who I owe so much to. And it really feels nice doing something really nice for a person who you care for. It just makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. I hope good changes like this in me will still continue. Even my day today was great for some reason, I really do hope it will just stay like this.......

Remebering the Old

This morning I was supposed to go to mass with my folks because today is Ash Wednsday. Since there was school today and the church was pretty near, we just walked it out. As I was walking to church, eventually we would pass my alma matter. While passing by, I remebered how I spent my 13 years in this damn school. Bitchy teachers, tons of homework and the lowest kind of peer preassure. But I also too had my moments in that school, but strangely, negativity just popped in my head. I guess it was just early and I lacked sleep. So right now, I'm just burning time until I go to school. My schedule is really crazy today because I was supposed to go to virra mall this afternoon to go check some prices for a new ps2 (btw I sold that old piece of crap, so now I'b buying a new one). I hope the mass at school will be early, so it won't mess up my schedule that much. Also, next week is MID TERM WEEK! Ugh! Have to go study this weekend (like I do it all the time). Hope I do well this time. Wait, I'll just be honest here, let me rephrase that. *ahem* I hope I just pass everything! There ya go *hehehe* although I must set higher goals for myself and I have to do it soon....

Poem for my best friend

Hey I was able to make a poem for lit class. It supposed to be in an iambic pentameter form, but it really does not follow the syllable coun't *hehe* screw that I can't write properly with it. So here it goes hope you folks like it:

You picked me up when I was down and dirty
You called my name when nobody wanted to
You held my hand when I was lonely
You painted my day when it was blue

You whispered to me when everybody yelled
You came to me when nobody was there
You cleared my mind when I dwelled
You gave to me that what is rare

I thank God he gave me to you
I thank the stars they guided me to you

Official Post

Ok this will be my official post after the facelift, last night doesnt count because I was very sleepy!!! Anyways, first of all, I want to thank JED CRUZ my main man for helping me out with designing my stupid template... It doesnt look that good because I just borrowed it. I'm thinking of rewriting the code, but there is a furious debate within me from doing so. You might have noticed the banner below, as I said this is the site of my good buddy Jed. Cool comics so CLICK on it and read it ok! It's worth your time, trust me.

The reasons why I placed my blog on a hosted site because I wanted to put more media into my blog. I've noticed that my posts were so boring, no pictures, no music, NO NOTHING. So this time, blogging will be more interesting and I hope you my readers (if there's any) will be more motivated to read about my boring life. I've started a new blig Chinese new year is tomorrow and I feel I'm starting a new life! I hope this will be the mark of a brand new beginning. KONG HEI FAT CHOI!

Major Facelift

Ahhhh FInally after hours and hours of work I got my blog on Geocities. I tell you, I spent the whole day working on this stupid thing *lol* I hope to get more traffic. As you can see also I was able to get a comment function up by YACCS, I hope you guys reading this will be able to give comments and stuff. I'm really tired now I guess I'll do more tomorrow. THANK GOD FOR DSL!!!!


P.S. I would like to thank my good buddy and fellow squad member Jed Cruz for helping me out with this dumb coding fot html. Make sure to check his site out here. It's an online comic strip site, I want to invite you guys to read his stuff!! It's really funny!

OMG! What a DAY!!

Phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww What a day all right..... I tell u, today's events were so unexpected! First of all the I was planning to watch a movie with queenie today at the Power Plant, but that failed since me and my folks are going to watch another movie at the same mall... They wanted to watch at 7:20 but I will never make it because I have to bring home queenie and I doubt I will be back in time... So we decided that we will just eat lunch and buy her the bag I promiced her... While going home through the High Way, I was pulled over by a police man because I wasn't following the roadsign (which was to go left).... I did't notice the road sign so It's really my fault and all... Boy was I in a JAM!!! If they get my license, I'm sure to be found out by my folks (because I told them franco was bringin queenie home).... OHHH boy then Queenie suggested to give him some cash to bribe the sucker! So I did, I waved out my hundred peso bill and *tada* he suddenly becomes nice to me.... DAMn man lost a hundred bucks but I was able to get out clean..... So I brought her home then went back to the mall again.... I sat down at subway and I rested... I just sat there from 4:40-7:00 damn I needed the rest! Then we went to see black hawk down... IT WAS GREAT!! It was worth the wait I tell you!!

To sum everything up, today was crazy but fun day... I had a blast with queenie and I hope she did with me!! One of my most memorable weekends *haha*